At least three times a week I get an email from women asking me for “relationship advice” about the married men they’re dating (i.e., having an affair with).
These “other women” are frustrated because the guy they’re cheating with hasn’t left his wife, and they want some form of commitment from him.
If you find yourself in the midst of an affair, it’s only natural to wonder, “will he leave his wife for me?”
If you’re a woman who’s currently having an affair with a married man, this going to be a virtual slap in the face — and it’s one you need.
How do you know if a man will leave his wife for you? If he prioritizes you over his wife and he spends all or most of his time with you then that’s a good sign that he wants to be with you. If he also talks to you about his plans for officially divorcing his wife and actually does it for you then that’s another big sign.
However, you should be careful because there’s a line between saying you’re going to do something and actually doing it.
If you’re his mistress, chances are he’s never going to leave his wife for you. If a man is already cheating on his wife for you and then falls in love with you, then there’s a chance if you end up with him then he could do the same to you with yet another mistress.
And when you take a closer look at the reasons why men cheat and the benefits they gain through infidelity, you’ll quickly see that I’m right.
Here are three reasons why you’re wasting your time waiting for him to leave his wife for you.
1. Between his wife and his mistress, he already has everything he needs.
Why would he leave his wife and kids? He gets to have an amazing time with you with no commitment or responsibility at all, and then he gets to go home and play with his kids.
It’s the ideal situation for him.
He has the wife who feeds him, cleans up after him, and looks after his children, and then he has his mistress taking care of him in other ways he needs.
A man won’t leave his wife for you when it’s like having two girlfriends who do everything for him. He’s enjoying it!
2. Getting divorced is painful and expensive.
Think about the repercussions of divorce. There’s the hassle of lawyers, the fighting, the upset of the children, the financial burden, and a host of other problems divorce throws up.
Why would he put himself and his family through that if he doesn’t have to? You seem happy to see him when he can fit you in, so why would he leave his wife?
3. If he was going to leave his wife, he would have left her already.
If this guy loved you more than anything, then even with the pain of divorce and the upset of leaving his family, he’d have left her by now. If he wanted to be with you, and if he loved you like you think he does, he’d have already left his family. Married men won’t be leaving their wives for their mistresses any time soon.
Think about it. He hasn’t and won’t divorce his wife because he doesn’t want to. It’s as simple as that.
What makes a man decide to leave his wife?
If you want him to leave his wife or girlfriend for you then you have to look for signs he’ll leave his wife. One clear sign is being able to develop a deep emotional connection and one that is stronger than the one he already has with his current partner.
Another sign is if he doesn’t pull away if you give him space as well and don’t give him everything he wants whenever he wants. You want him to make a promise he can actually keep so you should know first that you have some leverage in the relationship to make sure you’re not believing any false promises.
How do you know if a married man really loves you?
If he actually loves you, then he will love you at your worst and your best, he won’t run away when times get tough, and he is genuinely happy when you’re around and he doesn’t try and change you because he likes you just the way you are.
His actions will also speak way louder than words.
Now that you know he’ll never leave his wife, what should you do about it?
Should you look for signs he loves his wife so you can make the decision to stay with him or not? Or do you go the other way and start researching how to get him to choose you over her?
Very simply, if you want him to make a decision one way or another, you can give him an ultimatum.
What he’s doing isn’t fair to you, his wife, or his children, and he needs to make up his mind.
Gather as much strength as you can, look him in the face, and tell him this.
“I love you. I want to be with you. But I’m not going to do this anymore. I’m not going to see you again until you move out of your home. I want to come to your new apartment. I don’t want to keep meeting at my place or in hotels. The only way you’ll see me again is if you text me or call me with the address of your new apartment. I want proof you’ve left your wife.”
Give him this ultimatum and you’ll know where you stand. Are you going to be his partner, or will you only ever be “the other woman”?
You see, the “other woman” is never going to succeed. She is never going to get the man.
All she’s going to do is waste her life waiting for a man who will never be hers while missing the chance to find a man who’s devoted only to her. I know women who have done this for four, five, or even six years.
Look at your own emotional needs, wants, and desires.
Figure out why you are seeing a married man and ask your self these questions:
Are you seeing a married man because you like to live on the edge?
Is it because you don’t want commitment yourself?
Are you scared of men hurting you?
A lot of women date married men because they’re so afraid of getting out there and meeting men. They have relationships with married guys because deep down, they know it’s never going to go anywhere. They don’t need to leave themselves 100 percent vulnerable.
There might also be certain circumstances that are present that would make him for sure leave his wife and be with you like if there are no kids involved or he’s already in the divorce process. You can rationalize these cases more but when there are more circumstances and drama to deal with, seeing a married man can be very complicated.
Other women just love the chase and don’t look for true love. They love the drama of trying to win a man who isn’t theirs.
You need to figure out who you are.
My advice is to stop being the other woman. It’s not fair to anyone involved.
And you deserve a man of your own!
David Wygant is a dating coach who spent the past 20 years helping men and women transform their love lives. As a lead writer for Ask Men and Huffington Post, his advice has been offered across television, newspapers, and magazines, including MTV, The New York Times, MSNBC, Fox News, Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, E! Entertainment Television, and more.