One of the most frustrating things imaginable is waiting for him to call or text and start the conversation rolling.
What makes it even worse is when you like that person.
But what’s a woman to do? Isn’t that how you play the game? After all, men like to chase women, right?
A woman should play hard to get. You don’t want to come off as too interested. You want a man who takes initiative.
So you have to just sit around, constantly checking your phone, waiting for him to make the next move … right?
Should I call him first — or should I just wait patiently to hear from him?
My answer is yes, you should go ahead and make the first move.
After the two of you either texted or talked on the phone and you’re passively waiting around for a man to call or text, you could actually be hurting your chances of having a great relationship.
Allow me to explain why …
1. Waiting for a guy to call or text first is actually you playing mind games with him.
You probably don’t like to think of yourself as the kind of person who plays games when you’re dating a guy, but you might actually be doing just that by waiting for him to call you.
By waiting for him to call or make the first move, you are essentially following an arbitrary set of rules (like men should be the ones to initiate things). Following these rules is usually something that women do in order to manage their own anxiety about being seen as needy or desperate.
In the end, the best way to avoid being seen as needy or desperate is to simply not be needy or desperate.
You can call a guy any time at all without looking needy or desperate when you are perfectly centered and accepting of yourself.
The secret really isn’t to try to manage that anxiety by playing games or following the rules or anything like that. According to some of the most common dating advice, the secret is to eliminate the anxiety you feel that’s causing you to do all of these things in the first place.
2. Waiting for a guy to call you doesn’t make you more attractive to him.
There are a lot of reasons why someone might think that the guy should always call the girl first. Many of them revolve around the idea that waiting for him to call is feminine or that letting him make the first move is his masculine duty.
However, there is a huge misconception about femininity these days. So many people believe that in order to be feminine you have to be passive, go with the flow, and let life wash over you. I don’t buy that one bit.
Being feminine isn’t about being passive. It’s not about being subjected to the mercy and whims of life.
Being feminine is about being receptive. You can be completely receptive and open while still taking action — and that includes calling or sending a quick text.
It’s all in how you do it.
Are you calling from a place of neediness (see the previous point)? Are you calling him with a hidden agenda? Are you calling him to ask him out?
Or are you calling him to invite him to take the lead? If so, it might be a good idea to seek out a dating coach if you’re really not sure what place you’re coming from.
3. Waiting for him to call or text you is incredibly passive.
Taking the passive approach in life isn’t usually a good strategy in general.
You wouldn’t expect that being passive with your career or your health would help you get your next promotion or the healthy body that you want, so why would taking a passive approach at dating lead you anywhere better?
The truth is that when you take a passive approach, you generally end up wherever the currents of circumstance take you — and that usually tends to be mediocrity.
Now, is it okay to call a guy every day? This can be a bit much as this can push your man away especially if you aren’t in a committed relationship yet.
If you’re not satisfied with having a mediocre relationship or love life, then I’d strongly suggest you take a bit more of an active approach.
Trust me, it’s okay to call or text a man first.
Really, it is.
What are the times when you shouldn’t call or text him?
Only in certain cases are calling and texting him first not advised, such as:
1. He told you he wasn’t interested or emotionally unavailable.
2. He told you not to contact him.
3. He didn’t respond to you for days.
4. The man you want to contact is your ex…
5. …Especially when you’ve been drinking.
These might seem like no-brainers but some women might still want to text a guy first in these cases. It’s best to stop yourself and think first always before texting when you start dating.
Good luck! And go and get your man.
Clay Andrews has been helping people love, heal, and find the happy ending to their love stories (even after devastating heartbreak) since 2009. For more of his guidance, read his Relationship Saving Playbook.