“Why does he want to have a baby with me?” In a long-term relationship or not, this question plagues women everywhere — and with good reason. It’s a really big deal. Children are a lifelong commitment and alteration to your life.
Most people just think of women as the ones who can get “baby fever,” or the longing to have a child of your own. But men are susceptible to the phenomenon as well.
As men get older, they may be more prone to baby fever since they’re on a biological clock similar to women, with their fertility beginning its decline in their late 30s and 40s.
It’s good to be able to recognize the signs when a guy is thinking about having children with you and it’s worth looking into why he might be saying so.
Some of the signs that a guy is thinking about having children are:
1. He notices children in public more often.
If, when you go out together, he starts pointing out small children and talking about how cute they are, then that could indicate that he’s thinking about having some of his own.
This is especially true if he’s pointing them about to you and trying to engage you about it.
2. He talks about children.
It may seem fairly obvious, but if he talks more than usual about children it’s probably because he’s thinking about it and might also be gauging your response to the topic.
3. He’s focusing on stability and the future.
It’s common knowledge that parents should have stable incomes and living situations before having children to ensure that they have a safe and secure environment to grow up in.
A sudden focus on a long-term home, a balanced career and/or community can indicate that he is thinking about the kind of place and circumstances he wants to be in in order to raise children.
4. He’s reaching “that age.”
Age is a huge factor when it comes to having children. For both men and women, there is a sense in your early twenties that you have plenty of time to worry about becoming a parent later in life.
Men have biological clocks and their ability to have children diminishes with age. As a man gets older, he may feel a greater urgency to have children and this could play into why he’s bringing it up.
What do you do when a guy wants a baby and you don’t?
There are a lot of important things to consider when you start seriously thinking about having children.
Financial stability is absolutely critical when considering bringing a new, hungry person into the world. Food, clothes, schooling, renovations, and medicine all contribute to the cost of having a child.
If he is in a place where he is financially prepared, then that will factor into his thoughts of having children.
If you aren’t in a position to financially support a child then it will certainly make the life of the child and your lives more difficult.
The longer that you have been together it’s likely that the more sure he will be in his convictions to have children. If you hear something like this from him and you haven’t been together for very long, beware.
So, what do you do if he brings it up and you aren’t ready? Or if you aren’t sure if he’s the one? Or if you just need some time to think about it?
There are so many emotions and hormones wrapped up in the whole affair that people are liable to feel hurt if the outcome isn’t what they wanted or expected.
If you are with this person then you probably care about them and they probably care about you. So if he expresses interest in having children with you and you aren’t ready, then the worst thing you can do is lie, or give a partial answer.
Express yourself, let him know how you feel about it, ask him why he feels the way that he does, and ask him what he thinks about how you feel. If everyone is on the same page then everyone is much less likely to get hurt.
As Love and Cosmic Coach Ronnie Ryan says, “There is no question that honestly admitting your decision is the highest path and he may admire you for that and stay with you anyway.”
There might be some disappointment it may even cause a rift in your relationship but that will always be thoroughly preferable to the alternatives.
Dan O’Reilly is a writer who covers news, politics and social justice. Follow him on Twitter.