Ah, so here we are, about to change things up a bit. Instead of analyzing who you are and how you act, let’s look at how others perceive you. Because a horoscope doesn’t always get it right.
It’s funny because there are so many stereotypical aspects to each zodiac sign, and much of the time, when someone conjures up an idea of what they believe a sign to be like, it’s often times such a picture of hilarity — and many times way off-base. Still, in all, you are who you are, and while not all of us are ultimate stereotypes, we might very well be… slightly typical of our zodiac sign.
So, when you say something like, “Ugh, well, he’s an Aries, whaddya expect?” you are working the stereotype to death. You assume the sign comes with certain traits, and the second that sign does something even slightly “typical,” you pounce… as we all do. So, what do people think of you because of the prejudice your sign brings?
ARIES (March 21 – April 19)
It’s automatically assumed you’re going to be so pushy and arrogant that if you even show the smallest bit of inconsideration, we will come down on you like a pack of wolves. You silly sheep, you.
Aries, you’re a hot head, we all know it, and you simply don’t have us fooled. That’s what we think of you.
TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)
When we think of Taurus, we immediately get anxious because we know about that “stubborn” thing. and guess what? It bores us. You can’t have it your way all the time, and so, what we do is we start to bypass you when it comes to decision-making.
You’re that juror who won’t let the verdict just be. You have to contend because… you’re Taurus.
GEMINI (May 21 – June 20)
So you want to know why we never ask you what you think of something, Gemini? Because we know you’re going to be indecisive and waste our ever-lovin’ time making up your mind.
Yes, it’s known far and wide that you can’t commit to a decision on anything, so we no longer bother. Once we hear that you’re a Gemini, we make up our own minds.
CANCER (June 21 – July 22)
If you’re thinking about a night out on the town, and those plans might include your Cancer friend, well, if you’re like everyone else, then you already know in advance that, due to the dire need to uphold the stereotype of being the home bound, homey, homespun, home-centric, Cancer ain’t going nowhere that night.
Guess where they will be? Home! You guessed it.
LEO (July 23 – August 22)
What we all think about Leo is what we all know about Leo: show offs. Sometimes it’s best to shine the light on anything but a Leo, as they have a way of really taking over, and I mean in the most obnoxious way.
If it’s your turn to shine, if it’s your big day, then leave your Leo pal home so you can actually get some of that precious attention yourself.
VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)
When you’re known as “the perfectionist” of the Zodiac, you’re also known as the snooty creep who dislikes everything in their path. Even if you somehow escaped the Virgo fate of being an endless critic of people’s personal lives, you’re still going down in our minds as “Ugh, let’s not invite them.”
We avoid you when we’re feeling good about ourselves, because heaven forbid you notice.
LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)
We all know that those Libra scales are meant for tipping. All that “balance” we hear about, all it lets us know is that you’re faking something in order to be “that” nice.
Libra, we see through you, even though that mask of yours is a friendly one. While it’s nice to be around you, we all know that facade is not going to last for long.
SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)
First, we don’t want to have sex with you, so let’s get that straight. Yes, you’re the “sexy” sign, and who cares? Not us. Yes, you’re the sadist… oh boy, we’re so scared now.
Come on, Scorpio, you can’t run on that dull program forever without being spotted for your fraud. Big deal, so you’re a hateful, spiteful creep. Aren’t we all?
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
Alright. What’s it going to be? Gambling? Nice thighs? World traveler?
That’s the thing about you Sagittarians: you give us this picture of you as the world’s greatest adventurers. but we all know you’re just fantasists that are more than likely terrified to leave your stable.
CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)
You know, sometimes we don’t want to make sense of every single thing, Capricorn, which is why, when we think of you, we think “party pooper.” You’re the one who sets us straight, because you’re the authority on all things in the universe… in your head.
If we know you’re a Capricorn, we will either avoid you or prepare ourselves for a lecturing. Thanks but, um… no thanks.
AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)
How did you get away with being the most unnoticed sign of them all? I mean, yes, you got a groovy tune named after you in the 1960s, but here’s the thing: Rarely does anyone ever even think about what Aquarians are like because it’s just too boring.
You just have that crazy knack for making us not care that you exist.
PISCES (February 19 – March 20)
We’d like to occasionally make jokes with you, Pisces, because you’re basically a nice person, but that stereotypical “weepy attention hog” thing puts a damper on our love. We just know that, whatever the situation is, it’s about you, you and no one else but you. And honestly, that gets dull.
Do you ever stop crying? Try it sometime and you might keep some friends.
Ruby Miranda is a New Yorker who learned astrology, I Ching and all types of cartomancy and numerology from her crazy, gypsy mother. She currently writes for a wide range of esoteric publications.