There are a whole ton of clichés when it comes to women and sex, love, and dating. And that is me being kind about it.
If you say how you feel, you’re being dramatic. If you move to fast, guys don’t respect you. If you wait too long to hookup, you’re a prude. If you get upset when he cheats, you’re crazy.
If you handle a breakup with quiet dignity, you’re a cold fish.
It can feel impossible to win.
In fact, I’d go so far as to say that my entire dating life has been less of a sexy adventure and more like dodging a series of sharp and deadly implements. Dating shouldn’t make you feel like Indiana Jones, y’all. I mean, unless you’re role-playing, in which case, hello, Dr. Jones!
That’s why it was such a shock to me when I learned that (gasp) there are men who make what may be called “feminine mistakes” when it comes to dating. Yes, there are men who are hopeless romantics!
Yes, there are men who move too fast in a relationship. For them, it just feels right.
I learned it firsthand when my now-boyfriend asked me to be his girlfriend on our second date.
My reaction was so good that frankly, it is a marvel that the Academy has not reached out to give me some sort of honorary, “Good Job Not Fleeing The Scene Like An Olympic Runner When This Dude Just Tried To Wife You On Date Three.”
Yup, you heard me: it was our second date.
Being who I am (a person who over-shares absolutely every single detail of my life with anyone who will listen) I immediately told every single one of my female friends (and possibly like, some of your female friends.
Seriously, I told a lot of people) about what happened.
The surprising thing I found out was that this isn’t exactly rare. Yes, there are other men who are famous for rushing into relationships.
Society might have conditioned a large part of the male population to believe that every single woman goes to her second date with a suitcase and some keys she had made, but the truth is that men are just as guilty as women when it comes to moving too fast in a relationship.
I can tell you why I have moved too fast: I was scared of losing him, it seemed to good to be true or it felt right. These are reasons that a lot of my friends who have jumped too quickly also shared as their reason for their total break with reality.
It left me curious: do guys try to girlfriend-up way too fast for the same reasons?
I asked a group of anonymous (real!) men why they move or have moved fast to make a girl their girlfriend. What they had to say was equal parts reassuring, depressing, and not just a little bit illuminating, and some might even raise a few flags to ghost him really fast!
So, guys why do men rush into relationships?
Here’re what they have to say:
“When I know what I want, I want to lock it down! If I want to be with her, she’s damn special, and I know it won’t be long before other people see it, too.”
“There’s just too much game-playing. I’m way too old to mess around with that. If we go on three dates and the sex is good, why not call it what it is?”
“This is not me at all. I might get feelings really early on, but I know it’s taking crazy pills to ask a girl to get serious super soon.”
“Relationships are all different. I have friends who dated three months before getting engaged. My brother and his wife dated 10+ years before getting married. I asked my girlfriend to marry me on our one-year anniversary. And all three couples are very happy.”
“I tell her exactly how I am and what I want. If she doesn’t want to believe it, I know it won’t work and I move on. Yes, there are players, but I’m not one of them. Not trying to be harsh here, but I don’t have time to play games with people who have trust issues and cannot work with them. I want someone for the rest of my life.”
“One of my previous exes (we’re still friends) and I made it Facebook official a week after our first date. We ended up in bed after the second date. Our relationship lasted a year and a half. We were just doing what came naturally.”
“If it feels right, it feels right.”
“Saying she’s my ‘girlfriend’ is just a label anyway. If it’s one we both want, who cares when it happens?”
“I’ve definitely agreed to be someone’s boyfriend just because I know it will get me in bed with them. It’s not cool of me, I admit that.”
“A man will say anything to a woman if he wants in her pants.”
“In the immortal words of Ricky Bobby: ‘I wanna go fast.’”
“To me, saying we’re dating isn’t ‘making it official,’ it’s letting her know that I’m interested in more than a one night stand. But it isn’t a commitment, not really.”
“I have been with my girlfriend for ten years. This is the first time I have called her that. That said, we moved in together on our second date. Relationships are specific and weird.”
“If I worry she’s losing interest, that’s when I say I want to be her boyfriend. It could happen early on, it could happen later. It’s all on her.”
Rebecca Jane Stokes is a humor and lifestyle writer living in Brooklyn, New York with her cat, Batman.