We go on and on about how we should never settle.
We tell ourselves and we tell our friends that you (or they) deserve better anytime someone’s heart gets broken. We attest to meriting a fairytale-like love with a bountiful set of flowery words and indescribable feelings.
We say this is what we’re looking for, and this is what you warrant. But are you justified for this kind of love?
Are you, in your present state, deserving of an all encompassing, head-over-heels, and walking-on-air type of love?
Sometimes we create expectations that reach higher altitudes than our own substance. We think we should have a walking-on-air type of love even though we create potholes in our lives.
Why should someone fall in love with your smile if your smile is a lie? Why should someone fall for you at first sight if you’re blind to life? Why do you think that you — right now as you are — warrant the type of love many spend their whole lives searching for?
Now, I’m not saying you don’t ever deserve love. I’m not saying you don’t deserve to find happiness in someone’s embrace. And I’m definitely not saying you don’t deserve to find your soulmate and make a home in their heart.
What I am questioning is whether your heart is worth being someone’s home in this very moment.
Are you the type of person who you would fall for? Do you, first and foremost, love yourself?
That’s the question I’m asking, and this is the argument I’m making: You must find love within yourself before finding it in someone else.
We should never go searching for someone to fix us; we should be working toward falling in love with our flaws and fixing our uninviting blunders.
It’s not that we need to be perfect, because imperfection to the right person is absolutely charming. It’s that we need to be content with the scars, with the wrinkles in our past, and with the high-pitch laugh that comes out when you can’t help it.
We need to find solace with our own two hands before we go out like a beggar asking for help and healing. The answers are in us, somewhere deep inside the crevices of our hearts we have yet to explore.
Go find that part of you that you’ve been looking for. Don’t look for remedies in the twinkling eyes of a stranger. Find love for your own person so your eyes will be the ones that glitter like the stars.
It’s that easy.
We’re always the worst critics and the adversary to our own hearts. But we shouldn’t be. We should be our biggest supporter.
Learn to ally with your heart and your mind. Make that little voice of intuition tell you that you’re amazing. Tell it to yourself again and again until you believe it. Say it until you are — and know that you can be.
You can be amazing if you want to.
Today, start falling in love with the awkward way your hair falls in your face and the clumsiness you display in every part of your life. Search for the things about yourself that you adore, and embrace them like the treasures that they are.
Learn to do what brings you bliss. Fall in love slowly as you decipher your tendencies and study your dreams.
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Go be that somebody your parents always told you that you could be. Go grab the world and make a name in it before you try to be someone’s world. Grow into the person that walks on air and the one that’s head-over-heels for their own life.
I’m not saying you don’t deserve love, but I am saying stop and think about whether you would love you.
Be your best by knowing who you are, and f***ing loving it. Be amazing by also knowing you don’t always have to be your best.
The grandest love of all time that you deserve the most is the one you find behind your own eyes. It’s quite a sight, isn’t it?
Sonya Matejko is a writer, speaker, storyteller and yoga teacher. Her work has appeared in publications like Elite Daily, Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Forbes, and others. Visit her website for more.