It’s been years since we all watched in horror as Jack Berger explained to Miranda she would never hear from the guy she was hoping would call her back. That guy was, in fact, just not that into her. “Fascinating,” Miranda told Berger. “Tell me more.”
The Sex And The City episode that started the whole He’s Just Not That Into You bandwagon has yet to lose speed. In fact, women are more eager than ever to get to the bottom of why they were dumped.
No longer content to just smile and start over, women want answers from the men who waved them goodbye. Luckily, one male writer was brave enough to tell Cosmopolitan why men break up with women. Inspired by the article, we’ve added a few of our own theories to why guys dump girls they dig. Most of the time, it really isn’t you, it’s him, his friends and his stage in life. Seriously.
1. Bad timing.
If we had a dime for every time the timing was off for something — the subway, the stock market, the Superbowl — we’d be rich. Men claim, however, that timing is everything when it comes to settling down. There seems to be a specific time in a man’s life when he thinks all his ducks are in order and only then is he ready to get serious. If you catch a guy before he thinks he’s ready for long-term, he’s likely to think he needs a little more money in the bank, a better position with the company or just a few more one-night stands before he gets exclusive. Sure, he won’t say all of this outright, he’ll just blame the breakup on bad timing.
2. His best friend just got married.
Men tend to freak out when the first of their pals start settling down. Especially if that pals is their best friend since grade school who just got hitched to a woman they’ve now taken to calling, “The Bitch.” Don’t be surprised if you find yourself suddenly single as soon as your boyfriend’s friends start getting married. He’s simply in shock over losing his drinking buddies and he doesn’t want to put the concept of marriage in your head as well until he’s damn well ready.
3. He’s too into you.
According to Cosmopolitan, guys are protective of their emotions. “So, if we start to feel like we’re getting into a situation where we’ll be destroyed if you dump us,” admits one male expert, “we might launch a preemptive strike and yank the plug first.” Sound phony? Perhaps men are the sensitive creatures we so desperately want them to be. Perhaps they, too, worry about falling hard for a woman who seems too good to be true. If you are that woman, you should spend five seconds congratulating yourself for being too perfect and then promptly move on to a man who isn’t such a baby.
4. You’re too maternal/not maternal enough.
Speaking of babies, men don’t melt at the sight of a small child quite in the same way some women do. If a man thinks you’re treating him too much like a baby or have housekeeping and other assorted domestic desires too much on your mind, he’s likely to akin you to his mother and not his lover. On the other hand, if you reject anything that has to do with feeding, grooming or taking care of him, he may think that a long-term relationship with you will be like living in a bachelor pad without the Playboy subscription. A man may love a woman who can cook but also wants a woman who is willing to get down and dirty, minus the Spic-and-Span, if you know what we mean. The balance between domestic goddess and sexual diva is difficult to obtain. Tilt the scales just so, and he’s likely to trash the relationship.
5. His best friend saw you first.
Men don’t gossip the same way that women do. If your boyfriend finds out one of his pals had a crush on you or worse, hooked up with you before he called first dibs, he will forfeit the game without putting up a fight. It’s fine if his friends think you’re hot, occasional jealousy is even welcomed, but sloppy seconds or stealing someone else’s girl is a total man rule that is never meant to be broken. It’s easier to date a woman that your friend can only dream about seeing naked than suffer with the knowledge that his best friend saw you first.
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