Stop Looking! Love Isn't Something You Find — Love Finds You
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  • Post published:12/12/2021
  • Post last modified:12/12/2021

There’s a big pressure that comes with dating, and like most pressures, we’ve put it there ourselves. It doesn’t help that everyone and their grandmother are out there going on great first dates with men they meet anywhere and you have trouble making eye contact with the Trader Joe’s cashier.

While we know logically in the back of our minds that not every date we go on is going to be magical and will develop into an equally magical relationship, we still love to believe that maybe, just maybe, this is it. Especially when he takes you to a Wendy’s on a first date and proceeds to show you his “modeling portfolio”, you’re still gonna gush about it to your roommate after. 

I’m no scientist, but I’d say 80% of the time it’s not. 

While it’s normal to get excited about the possibility of a new relationship, there is a line you desperately need to draw if you don’t want to risk losing yourself. If you’re more worried about whether they’re going to like you compared to if you’re even going to like them, you’re gonna have a hard time casually dating. 

Getting caught up in the “what-could-bes” is the quickest way to miss out on what is. You’re never going to be younger than you are now, so go and sow your wild oats.

Living in the moment isn’t just for morning mediative beach walks or practicing self-love. When you adopt this mindset while dating, you’re opening yourself up to an endless sea of possibilities. 

Maybe you go out with this guy, and he’s cool, but there isn’t that initial spark of chemistry. Rather than force a romance, what if you guys just decided to be friends? Recognizing what’s working and what’s not — and being honest and mature about it — will save you from a bunch of stuff you don’t really want. 

When you accept your life and your relationship status exactly how it is, you actually begin to enjoy it.

Being single can be fun and exciting without the possibility of love. Let go of your “husband hunting” mindset, and just enjoy meeting people. 

Love is one of those weird things that seems like a lot of work but really requires minimal effort to find.

All you have to do is be willing and open to it, and trust that everything will fall into place. 

Dating isn’t fun when you give it a deadline. Or even a guideline for that matter. I think the only rules you should be following are the ones that keep toxic and negative people away. 

When it comes to everything else, just go with the flow and enjoy. 

Emily Blackwood is a writer who covers pop culture, true crime, dating, and relationships.

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