The song about a kid seeing mommy kissing Santa under the mistletoe has always bothered me. As a kid, I would have been horrified to see my mom macking on some bearded guy that wasn’t my dad. (I know, the dad IS Santa but the kid wouldn’t know that. Think about it.)
However, it’s the holiday season which means romance, love, and kissing under parasitic plants for many of us.
I don’t understand the tradition of mistletoe much beyond the fact that I like a good excuse to kiss my husband, but as someone who hangs a pickle from her Christmas tree every year, who am I to judge tradition?
This year, I thought it would be fun to get a little more creative with the ol’ twig and berries aside from simply hanging it from a doorway and hoping someone attractive with fresh breath happens to pass by.
Here are a few unexpected places to hang mistletoe that will hopefully inspire new kisses in new places in new ways. (Hopefully, you’ll overlook the holly clip-art standing in for mistletoe in the following illustrations, there were only so many options.)
9 Unexpectedly Sexy Places to Hang Mistletoe
1. Above the bed
If you like someone enough to sleep next to them, you should like them enough to kiss them every night before you go to sleep.
Sure, you occasionally “have a headache” or you have to get up early or yadda yadda, whatever your excuse is. It’s just a kiss! And every once in a while, just a kiss turns into… a lot of other things, and maybe having mistletoe above the bed for the month will inspire a new ritual for the New Year.
2. On your belt buckle
Maybe don’t try this tactic out at the office, but I know if my husband came home with some mistletoe tucked into his belt I’d get a little chuckle and he’d get kissed underneath it (wink, wink!).
3. Under your desk
I don’t really have to explain this one, do I?
Again, probably not for the workplace (unless your place of employment is supremely open-minded), but some well-placed home office mistletoe can make coming home so much more bearable.
4. In your garage (or car)
Hang some mistletoe in the garage so every time you or your sweetie pulls in or out, you have to smooch it up.
You could also hang it in your car but kissing and driving can be dangerous, so set some kissing parameters beforehand.
5. Above the stove (or kitchen sink)
If I’m cooking, my husband could come up behind me and kiss my neck all he wanted, but I’d get a little grumpy if took me away from the task at hand. However, mistletoe + kitchen sink + husband + holidays = “What dishes? Let’s make out!”
6. In the laundry room
Laundry rooms are where you get dirty things clean. Alternatively, they’re an excellent place to get clean things dirty, if you know what I mean. Washing machines rumble, dryers are warm, both are sturdy and you have an imagination.
7. On your cleavage
Alternately titled: “I’ve already looked up mistletoe necklaces on Etsy.”
8. In the shower
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Back in the early days of couplehood, taking a shower was a luxurious and sensual way to be with my husband. Now with two kids and a busy schedule, showers together are more about saving time and water than they are about romance.
Bring the romance back with a little mistletoe on the curtain rod.
9. On the stairs
If you have stairs in your house, think about how many times you go up and down them. Cardio + kissing? Both are free ways to burn off those holiday calories!
All photos courtesy of the author.
Casey Mullins is a vintage blogger, storyteller, and mental illness combatant. Follow her on Twitter for more.