I’ve never been single for long. I don’t know if this is good or bad; I’d like to think that it just is like a banana is yellow.
I love absolutely everything about being in a relationship, however, there have been times in my life when I was either: a) single, or b) dating ferociously, and maybe even involved with someone, but unhappy because that person wasn’t a good fit for me.
Eventually, after committing to mindfulness practice and learning about metaphysics — things like the law of attraction, detachment, and energy — I figured out that the steps to attracting a romantic partner who was aligned with what I said I wanted.
Without further ado, here’s how to get a boyfriend:
1. Take responsibility.
Admit that you have a deep fear of love — subconsciously. According to Bruce Lipton, author of many popular books about how our thoughts and beliefs affect our life, such as The Biology of Belief, 95% of what we think is subconscious, while we are only aware, or conscious, of 5% of our thoughts.
On the surface, we may tell ourselves things like I’m ready for love! but subconsciously, we may believe that love = pain because we witnessed our parents engage in an unhealthy relationship. We have deep-rooted fears that affect us as we become adults, and we can’t transmute them until we recognize that they exist.
Our thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions are affecting us — especially the ones we’re unaware of.
2. Untether from past romantic partners.
Grievances from past relationships will block new partners from coming into our lives. We need to untether ourselves from our exes.
How do we do that? Two ways: 1) A cord-cutting meditation, in which we actually visualize a cord of light connecting us to our exes that we cut, and 2) We forgive them. We must forgive them for lying, cheating, being bossy, acting unkindly, and not living up to the scripts we wrote for them.
In forgiving them, we free them, and we untether ourselves. When we hold a grievance about someone, it bonds us to them.
3. Clean up your limiting beliefs.
There are no good men. I’m too fat to attract a partner. I’m too old. Everyone cheats. There’s no one in this city. Everyone’s a dog. Romance is dead.
Stop it. Just stop it with your excuses. Spiritual maturity is about taking the reigns of your life. You’re not a victim; you’re an extension of the divine, and you are creating your reality with your thoughts, beliefs, perceptions.
Choose your thoughts carefully. Affirm that love abounds. When your friend attracts a lovely partner, tell yourself that this is proof that love is possible. Limitation and lack are an illusion. There’s plenty of love to go around if your thoughts are in alignment.
4. Put yourself out there.
I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re not going to meet someone while you’re in your pajamas at home, watching reality television.
You need to go out. You need to join things. You need to take classes. You need to go on first dates; maybe even a lot of them. Enjoy the process. Have fun. Buy some frilly dresses or snazzy ties and embrace the game of love. It’s supposed to be fun.
5. Continually assess your level of receptivity to love.
The people you attract into your life mirror back your own subconscious fears.
Attracting emotionally reticent men? You’re emotionally reticent.
Dating women who treat you terribly? You need to work on self-talk because you are unkind to yourself. If you’re not finding a partner who is a good fit for you, it’s a sign that you still have some energetic cleanup to do.
6. Ask yourself: What do I really want?
You think you want tall dark and handsome, or rich and successful, or someone with a six-pack. You probably don’t.
Your spirit probably wants honest and authentic, or someone who can really communicate, or a person who will teach you how to trust. Don’t be swayed by the list you’ve created in your mind of Mr. or Mrs. Perfect. Your idea of perfection is keeping real love away. Real love is imperfect, messy, lumpy, and stinky — all rolled into one. It’s beautiful.
Close your eyes and imagine how your relationship feels. Imagine what it must feel like to have a true partner — someone with whom you can open up and share your inner-most feelings, someone with whom you can laugh and unwind, someone who will elicit the best from you. See it, feel it, and let yourself feel grateful for it even before you attract that person into your life.
Attracting someone who is a perfect fit for you takes some time and energy. It takes opening up, shifting, and welcoming someone and something new into your life, but in the end, it’s worth it, because the quickest way to learn about ourselves is through a partnership with another.
Jessie Leon writes about mindful living, relationships, and spirit on Rebel Hippie Soul. Follow her on Instagram.
This article was originally published at Rebel Hippie Soul. Reprinted with permission from the author.