As if we really needed any more real or imagined red flags in the dating department, Jean Haner, a supposed “expert in understanding facial features” and author of the 2008 book, The Wisdom of Your Face: Change Your Life with Chinese Face Reading!, thinks that she can tell by the structure of someone’s mug what kind of significant other and lover they’ll make.
Haner claims that your face is a, “blueprint for who you really are inside”, and somehow, makes the case for outer genetics innately traveling inward. She’s pinpointed certain features that should be coveted and certain ones that should be absolutely avoided.
So much for inner beauty, eh? God help any of us who might have lost the bad lover facial lottery, but here we go.
If you’re looking for a, “sensitive guy who is emotionally available”, scan the next crowded bar for a lad with a large mouth and full lips, she says. But, ladies, please don’t even take the number of a guy who’s lower lip is larger than his upper lip is, because he’s probably a shameless womanizer.
“It’s a sign they’re more hedonistic and have a tendency to be unfaithful,” she says. “Maybe one woman isn’t going to be enough.”
However, if a man’s lips aren’t even visible, that means that he, “doesn’t care at all.” Uh oh. Calling all thin-lipped-men: Quick! Run thee to the closest lip augmentation clinic!
If you’re a very religious person, then please make sure that your next relationship is with a man who has, “a bony nose [and] sunken or hollowed cheeks.” Those are the the most, “spiritually sensitive” features of them all, she adds.
We’ll just ignore the fact that, “sunken or hollowed cheeks”, sounds vaguely creepy and unhealthy. Just forget all that.
Large ears, no matter how goofy, will symbolize confidence and the desire to take risks, whereas a hairline that goes straight across means that he is a, “rule breaker”, as evidenced by Barack Obama, one of the men whom she analyzed.
But is there a “perfect” face type when it comes to choosing a husband? Who has the face that should get the juices flowing for all men, women, and beasts? That would be Alex Rodriguez.
“His face is the archetype of a lover’s. The tops of his ears are pointed, showing emotional volatility. His upper lip is bigger than his lower lip, showing he tends to create drama in a relationship. He’s not an easy-going guy,” explains Haner.
Well, it looks like Jennifer Lopez picked a good one – as long as she doesn’t mind a little drama, that is.
Melissa Noble is a freelance writer and blogger who lives in Brooklyn.
Editor’s Note: This article was originally posted in February 2015 and was updated with the latest information.