What does it mean when you go on a first date with a man and he tells you that he’s kind of seeing another woman, but it’s not serious?
Your first thought should be, “If it’s not serious, then why is he telling me?”
Then, you should ask him, on the spot, “How would she feel if she knew you were here with me?”
Why? By telling you about the other woman, he’s actually giving you notice that if you start any kind of relationship with him or have sex, don’t be surprised when she pops back up later.
This is the beginning of the contract he’s offering you. It’s his own way of nicely giving you notice that he is also having sex with another woman.
If you want to have sex, then proceed forward and have fun. But if you’re looking for a relationship, then this is the time to temporarily practice your celibacy.
If you really find this man interesting, remember that between the time you met him and the time you have sex with him is the best opportunity for you to tell him everything about yourself that you want him to know.
It’s equivalent to writing a contract. You’re actually writing the contract right now, so you can put everything on the table.
Your counteroffer could be, “I’m interested, but my brother is gay,” “I want to stop working in a year and start my own business,” “My best friend is a man,” “I’m a daddy’s girl,” etc. You may even want to throw out something crazy like, “I want to have five kids.”
This is the period in which you can almost get a man to agree to anything. It’s full disclosure before you have sex.
This way, he can’t say that he didn’t know the terms of the contract, because you have just provided him a counteroffer. Now, the ball is back in his court.
But, if you have sex with him before he knows anything about your wants and desires, then you’ve already pretty much set the pattern for what’s to come.
The contract is sealed according to his initial offer: “I don’t mind seeing you, but I am dating someone else.”
This just really means that he’s having sex with someone else, and it’s hard to go back and change the pattern or contract once it’s already set.
It’s important to practice your celibacy now, especially since his focus is not totally on you. Remember, he has already said he’s dating someone else, as well.
So, in this case, you should talk on the phone with him, meet up, and go out to dinner. But don’t allow him to come to your house, nor allow yourself to go to his house.
You can go to family gatherings where there are other people there or even his mom’s house, as long as his mom is there. But never ever go to his house until you have a firm contract.
Allow him to spend his money on you. Even if you feel like you’re gaining ground, treat him as a reward for your progress, and show him that you’re not stingy and cheap, which can be a big time deal-breaker.
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This article was originally published at How To Get The Man of Your Dreams . Reprinted with permission from the author.