When the stars align — or when Tinder works in your favor — a new man will enter your life, bringing on a whole new slew of ups and downs. But will it be lust (that deep craving for sex or for another individual) or love (a true, genuine connection and caring for another)?
Though lust vs. love are two ideas that overlap, they are far from one and the same. In fact, they’re worlds apart. Can you really tell the difference between the feelings of love and lust? We’re breaking it down once and for all for you to help distinguish between feelings that are often mixed up with each other.
Ask yourself these five questions, and if you can’t honestly come up with an answer, you might want to consider if what you’re feeling isn’t exactly what you think it is.
1. Is what you’re feeling only about sex?
Of course, having chemistry in the bedroom is of the utmost importance for a long-lasting relationship, but an obsession or fixation on sex can be detrimental if that’s all the focus is on. After time and the novelty of hot lovemaking wears off, you and your partner will get bored or always be looking for the next best thing in bed.
2. Do you keep secrets?
A couple in love has no walls, boundaries, or secrets. Period. Oftentimes, a couple in lust holds back their true self and keeps their “best self” permanently on display, rather than revealing their less-than-perfect self. Only through vulnerability can love reveal itself.
3. Do you have a deep, lasting friendship?
If so, you may be well on your way to loving your partner. A relationship built on a foundation without friendship has little to fall back on — and if that’s the situation you’re in, it’s most likely lust.
4. Do you often feel jealous or needy?
A couple in love is one that trusts one another, regardless of the situation or circumstance. A couple in lust who looks only to sex often finds reasons to be jealous or envious of others’ wandering eyes. If you find yourself perpetually jealous or needy or you’re not sure exactly where you stand with your partner (are we in a relationship? casual? friends with benefits?), then it’s likely you’re in a lust relationship.
5. Do you expect perfection from your partner?
Being in love means being accepting of every flaw, imperfection, and otherwise from your partner. Those in lust, however, often expect their partner to look perfect, perform perfect, and act perfect around friends and family for the relationship to appear good. Perfection is never long-lasting and is often a facade.
Nichole Fratangelo is a writer and social media specialist focusing on food, health, lifestyle, and travel.
This article was originally published at Latina. Reprinted with permission from the author.