When it comes to dating, one of the most discouraging things is when you’re seeing a man who suddenly and seemingly out of nowhere vanishes.
Maybe he stops texting. Maybe he says he’ll call you and then doesn’t.
When a guy doesn’t call or text you back, it can drive you crazy.
Is he ghosting you? What should you do?
In any of these scenarios, it can be challenging to determine what to do.
The confident part of your brain wishes to believe something unavoidable (but not dangerous) occurred, like his phone died or he’s truly overwhelmed at work and busy with things he can’t control. Or maybe your own phone is broken and your text simply didn’t go through, so he’s been trying to call you without you knowing it.
Then there’s that miserable part of your brain that envisions the outright worst possible outcomes, causing feelings of rejection to surface.
So, how should you deal with this vanishing man? Exactly what should you do to get him to call or text you back?
Well, for starters, follow these tips on what to do (and how to stay calm) when a guy stops calling or texting you.
They’ll help no matter what, I promise.
1. Stop yourself from bombarding him with messages.
When somebody isn’t responding to you, the absolute worst thing you can do is bombard them with your own messages. It’s the easiest and fastest means to push someone away.
I know how irritating it is to go without a feedback; however, do not begin sending a bunch of texts or calling, Be sure to also avoid sending DMs on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat or any other social media on which you’re connected.
And do not text his friends to see if he’s with them. That only looks desperate (and makes you seem a little crazy).
2. Send one casual text. (OK, maybe two, tops. But that’s it!)
It’s totally acceptable to reach out to him one or two times to ask what’s up. If he hasn’t responded to your text in three days or if he said he would call and never ever did, shoot him an easy, casual, playful text.
Stay casual about it. If you send out a mad, demanding text, he’s definitely not going to answer.
And I would personally drop it altogether if you don’t get a response after the second time you try.
3. If possible, reach out in person.
Casually try to see him in person. You’ll be able to get his vibe when you see him in person. Plus, it will give you the opportunity to dress to impress and ignite his attention.
Men tend to be visual creatures (as are women, but we don’t need to go there right now), and sometimes they need a friendly reminder of how fantastic you are.
You’ll know something is up if he acts unusual or is really avoidant when he actually lays eyes on you.
4. Be careful about who you complain to.
I understand this whole scenario is most likely making you upset and really mad. Just be careful about who you complain to.
I wouldn’t complain to any mutual friends you have with this person because they can easily go back and inform them what you stated or, even worse, make things more dramatic and make you seem crazy.
Vent to your own close friends who you know you can trust, but don’t let too many people know you’re upset.
5. Avoid writing about it on social media.
Again, you don’t want this to be a public affair. It’s between you and this person and it’s no one else’s business.
Avoid sub-tweeting nasty remarks or making subtle vague-booking Facebook statuses that are obviously about him and the situation. You may believe doing that will capture his attention and get him to call or text you, but it will more certainly make you look immature and annoying — and turn him off completely.
6. Don’t wait around for him.
When a guy’s blowing you off, I understand how easy it is to obsess as you wait anxiously for any possible text or message from this man. But whatever you do, don’t wait around for him.
Don’t keep phone glued to your hand or jump every time it makes a noise. Live your life, and try to put him in the back of your mind.
7. Move on and cut your losses.
If he never ever reacts to anything you do, seriously, just forget him and move on.
Giving him no attention and doing your own thing will offer a much better message than sending him a long text explaining why he’s a dirtbag.
And if he’s not going to respect you enough to answer you, he’s unworthy of your time at all.
Samantha Jayne is a dating coach and relationship expert who is passionate about bringing love back into people’s lives, getting them out of their heads and into their hearts.