One-liners may initially get a woman’s attention, but what are you doing to keep the conversation going?
I often get asked by my male clients if there’s a guide on how to get a girl to like you, and when I do I ask them: Why do you want to date women?
If you’re just focused on getting as many numbers as possible, you’re not going to get many numbers or go on many dates.
You may not believe this, but whether you’re navigating the online dating world or meeting someone in person, you can talk to women with confidence while keeping their interest peaked.
Below are five tips on how to talk to women that will ease the fear of approaching them and keep you from being tongue-tied.
How to talk to women
1. Focus on her, not you.
Don’t let anxieties of being shot down or approaching a woman turn you off from talking to someone you are interested in.
If she chooses not to respond to you, it is not about you. It’s about her. She probably isn’t looking for anyone, has her own insecurities, or is not interested.
If you’re focusing on what you’re going to say next or the thoughts in your head, she will pick up on the fact that she does not have 100% of your attention. Why? You’re too focused on yourself.
Bottom line: if you’re both listening to your own thoughts or you get distracted by something else, then you aren’t having a conversation with someone else in the first place!
The mere thought of having to initiate conversation with other people, let alone a woman, is draining, intimidating, and daunting for introverts. This isn’t bad, it’s just the way it is.
Just remember, half of the population are introverts, so it can be equally hard for women to respond back. It’s doable and is easiest to do when you’re doing things that you enjoy doing.
2. Ask open-ended questions.
The difference between a close-ended question and an open-ended question is that when you ask a close-ended question the answer is either yes or no.
An open-ended question uses what, when, where, how and why, but the purpose behind asking the questions is to elicit someone else’s opinions, thoughts, and feelings.
Before you head out the door, create a list of five to 10 things you can talk about — be it current events, politics, sports, or a hobby — and be open to listening and hearing differing opinions.
3. Be yourself.
We pick up on non-verbal body language faster than we register what you’re saying. This means if you’re only interested in getting a number to get a date, women understand this on a visceral level before they’ve even responded to what you’ve said.
One thing to think about is if you’re only interested in getting a number, then most women are not interested in you.
Women want to feel special. For us to give you our number or talk to you longer than two minutes, we need to feel a connection. Even if we’re physically attracted to you, this doesn’t mean we’re going to give you our contact information.
If you’re relaxed, being honest, and genuinely interested in what we think and feel, then we may let our guard down long enough to see who you are as a person too.
4. If you do approach a woman at a bar or club, bring a friend.
Generally speaking, when women go out to a bar or club, they are going out to have time with friends first, and maybe talk to a guy if he shows a genuine interest in her.
Women often look to their best girlfriends to give a thumb up or down on if a guy seems like a good guy or not. Having a friend along with you decreases anxiety on both sides, because there’s more to talk about, and we don’t feel like you’re trapping or bearing down on us.
Remember, a lot of times women are just getting together to wind down and spend time with friends. Nightlife is often loud and isn’t the best place to have conversations.
Sometimes, women just want to cut loose and dance — that’s all. Canvassing other people in committed relationships, most of them met outside of the nightlife.
5. Focus on being friends.
If you’re focusing on just having a good time in the moment, this is one way that women begin to open up and have time to decide whether or not they feel like there is chemistry.
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Asking for a friendly game of darts or pool on teams is fun, we all get to relax, and in the meantime get to know one another a little bit.
These tips on how to talk to women come from personal and professional experience.
What it boils down to is whether or not you believe you can find someone compatible with you, and whether or not you have the skill set of active listening.
Getting outside of your head, and removing any insecurities and listening blocks is half the battle.
If you’re really interested in finding datable women, your best bet is not a club or bar, but taking up co-ed hobbies and interests where you see the same women over and over again.
This gives you time to get to know each other, develop a relationship, and to see if that friendship can turn into something more intimate.
Lyndsay Katauskas is a personal coach who specializes in relationships, divorce, grief, and trauma.