In the age-old quest for a potion to make her love you forever, there’s actually a much simpler and more direct route to ensure your beloved’s undying love.
To make a girl fall deeply in love with you, you have to be willing to be vulnerable, act as her equal, let her in emotionally and physically, learn her love languages, and never stop trying to be romantic.
True, getting a girl to fall in love with you may take a little effort on your part, but it’s got to be easier than slaying dragons or selling your soul to the devil as you might be required to if you were hoping to be granted an actual magic potion. Just saying.
And heck, if you’ve read this far, then congratulations, you’ve already started on number one of these tips to keep the girl you love.
Here’s how to make her love you forever.
1. Work on yourself.
Ugh, I know. I’m asking for an effort on your part. I didn’t ever say this was going to be all fun and games. But we’re talking about undying love here — certainly, that deserves a little exertion, don’t you think?
There’s no way to skip this first step. You’ve got to be willing to look at yourself and ask, what about me isn’t so lovable? And you have to be willing to listen to the answers you hear and act upon them in your real-life quest to improve yourself.
The big bonus of this important step is that your significant other will see you doing this work, which might include therapy, reading self-help books, or taking time out for self-reflection, and she will be super-impressed.
Not all men are willing to do this and it demonstrates that you care about being the best you that you can be.
2. Listen to her (and I mean really, really listen).
And that doesn’t mean just listen with your ears, but (sorry to get sappy here) listen with your heart and full attention.
Now, I’m not saying that you don’t already listen to your sweetheart, but just imagine her delight when she notices you putting down your phone and giving her your full attention instead of that half-hearted I’m-listening-but-multitasking-too response.
Of course, you should express yourself to her also (just no mansplaining, please!). The more you give her your full attention, the deeper your conversations will become and the more entangled your lives will stay.
3. Learn how she prefers to be loved.
What “equals” love in her mind may not be what gets your heart pounding. Actually, it’s highly likely that you feel loved in different ways than she does. So, you may be walking along thinking you saying “I love you” twenty times a day should do the trick, but just like we all have different learning styles, we also have different loving styles.
Ask her what makes her feel loved. Perhaps she’s the type who needs physical touch to know you care. If you simply ask her what makes her feel the most love, she will feel like your honored queen. (And this fits right in with #2 and the whole listening thing.)
Once you find out the ways that make her feel loved, do them.
4. Give her gifts.
OK, I get it; I just told you to ask her what she likes and now I’m telling you what she likes. How can I know, right?
Well, I’m going out on a thinnish limb here and place my money on that she likes gifts, because who doesn’t like a little something-something for no reason?
I honestly don’t know anyone who doesn’t like to be surprised with a little unexpected present for absolutely no reason other than it’s another day that you love her. These love tokens can be small, inexpensive and trivial.
The big “wow, this guy is amazing!” thing of it is, it shows you are thinking of her. Always. Even when she’s out of sight, you show that she’s not out of mind.
Side note: Please, please don’t ever ask her if she wants to trade presents for a holiday you celebrate, just assume she does … unless she says otherwise. And even then, if she says she doesn’t want to exchange gifts, you should get her a gift.
5. Be honest with her.
This is the ultimate. I know, it’s hard sometimes to know whether you should really tell her you don’t love that dress on her or aren’t digging the new hairstyle. But you can be a truth-teller without being a jerk. It’s all in the telling.
Pause before you say something that you think might be a sensitive point and say it in a way that at first makes her feel good, then tell the thing that might be hard to hear.
Trust me: practice on the small stuff and then when there’s a bigger, harder truth, you’ll have her respect and trust.
6. Respect her and treat her as your equal in every way.
Always remember, a good relationship works because there are two equal partners. This means you need to show interest in her career and support her in her choices.
If she gets her dream career offer in another city, you need to consider its effects on the whole family, not just you. You need to remember that she would do the same for you.
And when it comes to housework and parenting, I’m just assuming you’re a modern dude and totally believe that these types of responsibilities need to be divided in an equal manner. If you’re both working full-time outside of the house, then you need to be ready to do half the “work” that goes into maintaining a happy home and family.
7. When you talk about your family, make sure you include her as a part of it.
This is a small thing, but shouldn’t be overlooked. If this woman is going to be with you for the rest of your time on Earth, then your brother really is her brother, too, don’t you think? When you find a girl you love, she naturally becomes part of the clan.
Assume she will want to go with you on your Great Uncle John’s annual family fishing trip. Invite her. Trust me, she’ll feel honored you included her, and if she needs to, she’ll find a nice way to explain sleeping in a tent with no toilet just isn’t her thing.
8. Find creative ways to tell her that you love her.
Yes, even after you’ve tried and succeeded at showering her with love in all the ways she has pointed to, there’s still room for more. Because you never know, you may just discover something that no one has ever done for her before. So how could she have even known how good it would make her feel?
Romance isn’t just for the early days of relationships. You have to make her feel special for as long as you are together. So think outside the box.
Again, these don’t have to be huge expressions or experiences that cost a lot. It really is the thought that counts.
9. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Lots of men struggle with this, and that is due to the failures of our culture.
Therapy can help you on your path to vulnerability, but for starters, these are some things you have to be willing to do in your relationship: Allow yourself to make mistakes and admit to them. Allow yourself to be real and true and not hide any of yourself from her.
Don’t be afraid to cry. And don’t be afraid to let her cry, too. Vulnerability allows for deep connection and bonding in a relationship. If you can’t be yourselves in your most raw forms, how are you supposed to feel safe building a whole life together?
Don’t hold back. If there’s anyone that should see all sides of you, it’s the love of your life. Vulnerability will let your girlfriend love you even more.
10. Don’t ever take her for granted.
This is the final rule that must be adhered to, but that you won’t even have to ever worry about ever again if you do all these other steps. These awesome human being things will demonstrate to her every day that you could never take her for granted because she is your love. Don’t give her any reason to doubt you because nothing compares to the pain of losing your beloved.
What it all comes down to is you caring about her and your relationship. If you just try adding one of these techniques to your daily repertoire, many of the others will likely just fall into place on their own.
When you start making an effort to make it impossible for her to not love you forever, you’ll find her doing those things in return in order to make you love her forever, too.
Getting the girl you love to love you forever will come naturally over time. Someone’s got to be the instigator of the love fest, so really, why not you? And why not now?
Sheila Hageman is an author, teacher and yogi who has appeared on numerous TV shows including Today Show, ABC News, NBC News, and as an expert on Bill Cunningham and Anderson Cooper. She has been featured on Salon, Mamalode, Mom Babble, and The Huffington Post. Follow her on Twitter.