You’ve been dating someone you really like. He’s smart, funny, articulate, and attractive.
But how can you know for sure if he’s the one or not?
Ask yourself the following questions to help you discover if he’s your soulmate:
1. How do you feel when you’re together?
More importantly than having an ass you can bounce a quarter off, is how you feel when you are together. First, determine which feelings are the most important to you. According to Dr. Alexander Avila, there are four “Love Temperaments” that correspond to the four main desires that humans have.
Dr. Avila reports the four main motivators in life are:
- Security (Security Seekers)
- Fun (Excitement Seekers)
- Meaning (Meaning Seekers)
- Knowledge (Knowledge Seekers)
For many women, feeling secure ranks the highest. Others place the highest value on having fun with their partners and some women want to feel they have meaning and a purpose together. And lastly, the Knowledge Seekers prioritize a mental, intellectual connection.
Once you get in touch with your prime motivator, check in with yourself when you are with him. Make sure that you feel what’s most important to you when you are together.
2. Does he accept you for you? Through thick and thin?
As women, our bodies tend to change. Most of us go through times of being trim and tone and other times of being curvier or even downright round!
If he truly loves you for you, some extra weight won’t make him run for the hills. You don’t want a man to be with you only because of your knock-out body. That is way too much pressure to endure for a lifetime, and it’s totally superficial!
If he also inspires you to work out, hike, swim, bike, do yoga…awesome! Just be sure that he is not with you mainly (or solely) because of your body.
3. Does he go out of his way for you?
The man you want to marry would move to a new state or even country for you. He would get a new job or work from home to help take care of the kids. Even the smaller things, like picking up dinner on the way home when neither of you feels like you have the energy to cook.
Your love should be so strong, you will both make sacrifices for each other.
4. Does he make you laugh? Really laugh?
If you are going to be with someone for the rest of your life, you want it to be fun, right? You want him to make you laugh so hard that you almost (or sometimes do) pee your pants.
It’s also important that you make him laugh. When you “get” each other’s sense of humor there is a deeper appreciation that naturally grows between you. Many studies have proven that laughter and joy help in regard to anti-aging and healing, so make sure he’s not too serious!
5. Does he inspire you to live your passions?
The kind of man you want to be with will encourage and get excited with you about your passions and interests. His positive reinforcement continues to inspire you to be even more proactive with the things/causes/creativity you are passionate about.
For example, maybe you’ve mentioned that you want to learn to paint. Then one day, out of the blue, he shows up with an easel, canvases, paint and brushes, and a gift certificate to a local painting class. That’s a great sign he’s your soulmate.
6. Do you look forward to spending time with him?
If you don’t enjoy spending time with your sweetie, then something needs to change or you need to move on! Ideally, you should have a bit of a longing feeling to see him again, even if you just saw him this morning.
7. Do you look forward to sharing exciting or challenging things that you’ve experienced while apart?
Is he the first person you call or text when you get the job, raise or have an incredible personal break-through? If one of you is traveling without the other, do you still call each other and talk every night?
8. Is he there for you?
Is he your rock? Is he there for you when you need a shoulder to cry on? Does he know how to comfort you and be there for you in the tough times? Can you share your innermost feelings and know that he won’t judge you, but rather loves you even more for being open and vulnerable?
These are all signs he could be your “one.”
9. Are your values aligned?
Values can include things like honesty, integrity, self-improvement, generosity, and spiritual beliefs. There are so many possibilities here that having your core values aligned makes for a much smoother, happier relationship.
I suggest that you both create a list of your most important values, and then compare lists and dialog about the similarities and the differences. This is a great way to confirm that your core values are aligned.
10. Do you respect him?
It’s important that you respect your man. It’s pretty much impossible to have a conscious, enlightened relationship with someone you don’t respect.
Make sure you admire traits and values that matter to you.
For example, is he honest, genuine, generous, and/or affectionate? Do you find him intelligent? Is he kind to others and animals? Does he stand up for himself and not let others walk all over him? Does he have a spiritual connection? Is he personally empowered? Does he love his work/business? Is he making a positive difference in the world? Can he communicate his feelings? How does he treat you?
11. Do you trust him?
He’s going out with the guys. How do you feel? If you can relax without wondering what he’s doing or whom he’s meeting, that’s a good sign. You don’t want to be looking for evidence when he gets home, you want to be confident and happy to see him.
If you don’t trust him, make sure to look in the mirror and ask yourself if you are trustworthy. Those that don’t trust are often untrustworthy themselves.
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Make sure you’ve done your spiritual work so you love yourself, are trustworthy, and therefore expect the same. If you are trustworthy and he’s not, it’s time to move on. Don’t expect to change that deep, core issue… Next!
12. Do you have enough common interests?
You don’t have to like all of the same things, however, having more in common than not, is ideal. If you both love cooking and listening to reggae, that may be enough, however, it would be better if you also enjoyed hiking, meditating, doing yoga, and playing ping pong together, for example.
Social styles matter too. If one loves to go out to concerts and dance all night long and the other loves staying home and having a peaceful evening with just the two of you, that’s going to be a more difficult match. It’s fine if that is not an every day or even every weekend thing, as you don’t need to be joined at the hip. It’s healthy to have your own interests and to spend time alone and with your friends without him too.
13. Do you have great physical chemistry?
My dear He’s got to turn you on. Just being around him can get your body excited.
You can always teach someone what you like sexually, however, there also needs to be a raw, animal magnetism at the core level between you. Don’t mistake chemistry for good looks. Chemistry comes in all shapes and sizes.
14. Can you see yourself spending the rest of your life with him?
This is a biggie. We all have quirks and habits that others may find annoying. If you love his and he finds yours to be adorable, along with answering all of the other questions above with a big resounding YES, then you’ve got a great man, and you probably already knew that he is the one for you.
It’s nice to have confirmation though, right? Enjoy your time together, and treat him with the love and respect you feel from him.
Jill Crosby is the owner and founder of SpiritualSingles.com. Her writing has been published in Maui Vision Magazine, Creations Magazine, Natural Awakenings Magazine, SelfGrowth.com and many others. You can learn more about Jill on www.SpiritualSingles.com.