If you’ve ever had a guy come on strong, sending you flowers, texting you constantly, and then disappearing into the “guy Bermuda triangle”, you may wonder if he likes you.
But there may be an even more important question you need answered:
Does he like who you are, as a person?
Not the woman he thinks you could be. Not the person he wishes you were. The person you are today — your most authentic self.
With men who like you for something other than your authentic self, you’ll find yourself twisting into a pretzel to try and please him. But you can’t hold a different shape for a lifetime — it’s exhausting to try.
Look for the man who likes you for who you are today.
Here’s the truth: Generally, guys are not very subtle. There are obvious signs he likes you and they are worth paying attention to!
Here are 7 signs a man authentically likes the person you are — and isn’t trying to change you.
1. He’s putting in the effort.
He regularly reaches out to you to schedule a date. He texts and calls to see how you are doing and is genuinely interested in what you like and don’t like.
He follows through on his word. If he says he’s going to call, he calls. He doesn’t cancel your dates at the last minute with a flimsy excuse. He gives you his full attention when you are together.
He’s even willing to go out of his way to see you. He doesn’t complain about having to drive an hour to meet you in your part of town. He may even schedule and pay for an Uber ride for you to see him if you don’t live near where he’d like to take you.
The guy who sends you mixed signals or who’s distracted by his phone while you’re spending time with him isn’t serious about you. Don’t put any effort into seeing this type of guy (even if he’s hot hot hot) because once you stop making things convenient for them they will disappear.
Instead, focus on finding the guy who’s paying attention to what’s important to you and who makes sure that your time with him is meaningful and fun.
2. He wants exclusivity but he’s not in a rush.
A guy who likes you wants to claim you. He wants to take you off the market as soon as he can. He’s willing to let you set the pace of the relationship and willing to wait for when you’re ready instead of trying to rush you into a relationship.
A relationship-ready man will go looking for his woman. When he finds her, he doesn’t want to waste time. He’ll want to get rid of the distraction of dating other women and focus solely on you.
If he likes and respects you, he will not turn away simply because you want to take things slow. He will wait until you are ready to commit to him.
A guy who isn’t willing to wait for you is not the right guy for you. Don’t waste your time on impatient men.
3. He includes you in his life.
Relationships don’t occur in a vacuum. So, a man who invites you to meet his friends and to family get-togethers is serious about you. He shares about his work and his interests in order for you to get to know him better.
It may seem romantic or exciting to have a secret affair with a man who only wants you for himself, but the truth is that he’s probably hiding something from you. A guy who likes you will openly share about his life and make you a part of it.
He’s also interested in your life and wants to meet your friends and family. He’s considering the larger community you’re creating as a couple. He’ll want to examine how your two lives fit together to see if you’re a match for the long term.
4. He tries to impress you.
A guy who likes you wants you to respect him and see him as an asset in your life. He wants to feel like he can be your hero and solve your problems. So he will go out of his way to impress you.
He wants you to think that he’s special in some way. Like many animals going through a mating dance, he will puff up his feathers and show off for you.
He may try to impress you with his earning ability, intelligence, charm, or expensive toys (like watches, boats, or a fancy car).
Whether he’s talking non-stop about how important his job is or making sure you see his sports car parked right in front of the restaurant, he wants to show you that he can deliver what you want.
However, he may not think to find out how to specifically impress you.
Don’t discount a guy who’s talking too much about himself or showing off his fancy toys. He wants you to see him as desirable.
Let him know how to impress you and see if he can make an adjustment.
5. He makes plans in advance.
Whether he wants to buy you tickets to a concert a few weeks away or is interested in your plans for the holidays, a guy who likes you will plan future dates with you.
Some guys like to keep things casual, texting last minute to get together and staying vague about the future. These guys may find you attractive and interesting, but they aren’t ready to commit or truly pursue you for a relationship.
You can easily discover the difference between these two types of men by meeting their effort and nothing more. Give any guy the opportunity to lead, and you will discover his intentions with you.
If he pursues you, asking you out in advance, and plans a date for the future, he definitely likes you.
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6. He wants to make you happy.
Of all the signs that he likes you, this may be the easiest one to spot. When a man likes you and wants a relationship with you, he will want to make you happy. He will look for ways to bring more joy into your life and alleviate your stress.
He’s curious to know your favorite things, no matter if it’s your favorite hobbies, food, dessert or vacation spots.
Don’t blow off his curious questions or answer with a vague, “I don’t know.” Batting your eyelashes here may move the relationship forward physically but may not get you the kind of long-term relationship you’re looking for.
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If he asks about you, answer him, and the more specific you are the better.
Never skip over sharing your authentic self because a man who likes you will want to add to your joy and make you happy in every way that he can.
7. He doesn’t ask you to change.
A man who likes you won’t ask or expect you to change. He likes those little quirks about you that make you unique and special. He shares with you those little things about you that bring a smile to his face.
It may seem clear that if he’s complimenting you, he likes you, but many women overlook this obvious sign. A man who likes you will even like the things that other guys have complained about.
Did one guy say you were too intense? Your man loves your passion. Did someone find you a little odd? Your man is into your quirkiness.
The man who likes you likes you because you’re different. He likes you for your authentic self and would never ask you to change.
A guy who asks or needs you to change, whether it’s your appearance or your behavior, doesn’t really like you. He’s trying to make you into what he likes.
Stop trying to understand the mysteries of male behavior and instead focus on the obvious signs that he likes you and you’ll never have to wonder what his intentions are.
Orna and Matthew Walters are Soulmate Coaches who have been featured guest experts on Bravo’s “The Millionaire Matchmaker.” They’re the authors of the free ebook, “7 Steps To Soulmating,” which can be found on their website.
This article was originally published at Creating Love On Purpose. Reprinted with permission from the author.