My wise Kindergarten teacher taught me to “turn away from inappropriate behavior.” This always crosses my mind whenever I hear a wonderful, deserving woman complain about some guy’s latest failure in the behavior department.
“He’s so self-centered.” “He never listens.” “He only notices me when he wants sex.”
Sometimes, it seems like the bad guys get all of our attention. But let’s turn around and focus on the good guys for a moment. What do they do that is cause for celebration and can we appreciate that positive behavior is seriously attractive? Maybe if we notice, we’ll attract more of the good stuff.
Here’s a shortlist of some of what women find attractive in men that show the amazing, delicious things that good men do:
1. They’re honest.
A good man will tell you the truth about where he stands on many things, including you. He will not play games with your emotions and will let you know what he honestly thinks and feels. You will feel a sense of stability and trust in his presence.
Even if you disagree or wish he saw things differently at times, his honesty will give you and your relationship firm ground on which to stand. You know he will look you in the eye and tell you how it is — and looking deeply into the eyes of an honest man can be breathtaking!
2. They’re grateful.
Few things are more attractive than knowing a man appreciates you. And good men are grateful for the wonderful things in their lives, especially you. There is a saying that it’s not happy people who are grateful, but rather grateful people who are happy.
Good men value and appreciate what they have, which increases happiness within themselves and their relationships. Gratitude also creates positive energy and “like attracts like,” which means you will often find yourself feeling grateful in the presence of a good guy.
And all of this leads to more joy, more gratitude, and mind-blowing mutual attraction.
3. They show up.
A good guy will show up and be present in your life. Whether that means surprising you with your favorite latte or sending a supportive text before that critical meeting with your boss, a good guy wants to be part of your life — and it shows. He pays attention and cares enough to remember the big and little things that matter to you.
By doing this, your good guy shows that he cares about all of you — and he’s happy to go out of his way to be there for you, physically and emotionally. Since a solid relationship is built on a foundation of shared experiences, his ability to be present with and for you nurtures feelings of trust.
This trust helps you relax and be present with him and to show up for your own emotions and needs as well as his. The ability to be vulnerable with a guy who consistently shows up for you is a key to intimacy which, as every woman knows, is incredibly attractive.
4. They listen.
Communication is the most important aspect of any relationship. Yet one of the most frequent complaints of women is that men don’t listen.
Good guys know how to listen or are willing to learn. They will make eye contact and have the ability to remain quiet while showing they are connected to you and that what you’re saying matters to them. Rather than jumping in too quickly to “rescue” you or solve the “problem”, a good man knows that your perspective and feelings are important.
His body language, whether nodding empathetically or offering you his shoulder to cry on, conveys an attitude of non-judgmental acceptance. He understands that knowing he cares matters more to you than a quick fix. Feeling safe to fully express yourself creates the sense of being unconditionally cared for — and is anything more attractive than that?
5. They have empathy.
Narcissists and what makes them tick are getting a lot of attention these days. But if empathy is a key quality that narcissists lack, good guys are able to offer this in abundance — and it’s seriously attractive. Empathy is quite simply the ability to share and understand the feelings of another, and such mutual sharing is the basis for true connection.
Watching a good man show empathy is heartwarming and lovely — often more so as it is something he does naturally and is simply a part of who he is. Whether his eyes well up during a touching movie or he takes your nephew out for ice cream after losing an important game, you know that he cares deeply about the feelings and needs of others.
Put simply, a good man “gets it” on an emotional level. You know that he cares and understands your feelings and that he appreciates your empathy as well. Like gratitude, caring for others is a key to happiness — and an empathetic couple creates more happiness wherever they go.
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Needless to say, having a good man who both shares and understands your feelings is attractive on the best and deepest level!
6. They’re generous.
Of all their wonderful qualities and behaviors, good guys’ generosity may be the most attractive of all. Indeed, it is their natural generosity that allows their many positive qualities to shine. A good man gives freely of himself, including his time, attention, gratitude, and love. He is the opposite of selfish or stingy and finds joy in giving to others.
According to the Law of Attraction, when we give of our time, financial resources, and compassion, we generate positive energy that attracts more of these wonderful things back to us. As your good guy generously shares all of himself with you, you will find yourself doing the same.
And, as with empathy, others will benefit from your generosity as a couple. This creates an amazing cycle of abundance, gratitude, and love. Needless to say, such generosity makes you irresistibly attractive — to each other and the world around you.
Sara Mattis is a psychologist, mindfulness coach, and energy healer. Contact her today to discuss your goals for healing, well-being, and positive change.