Writing a dating profile should be considered an art form.
I have an embarrassing confession to make to the men out there. I scanned literally thousands of your dating profiles before I met my husband.
You made many subtle changes to your profile as you matured from being a single guy into a man who’s ready for a relationship. You expressed a desire to give and care rather than be cared for in a relationship.
Your profiles shifted from indifferent, cocky, or hesitant to authentic, open, and interesting. As a result, you’re attracting more women who are curious and interested versus bored or needy.
Why did you change your profiles?
Could it be the women you sought after aren’t often online? Is she happy, caring, healthy, playful, sexy, fun, accepting, connecting, and inspiring?
Looking for the right woman online takes time and effort.
You’ve expressed your need to feel appreciated and respected in order to view her as loving and kind. You’ve expressed you love it when a woman who means “no” says “no.”
You’re attracted even if you’re disappointed to not get your way, while gracefully saying “no” when needed. She’s full of passion so prefers to enjoy life single rather than hook up with players or waste much time chatting online.
These women you desire appreciate thoughtfulness, effort, and humor. These women will compassionately see your efforts, even if you’re not always successful.
These women get you in a way no woman before did because they give — and expect — empathy and friendship.
These women may or may not be in your bed, but tend to hijack your thoughts. They inspire you to be your best, and give your best, even if your own mother gave up on you!
Confident women quickly eliminate some men as potential partners because time is considered an important asset.
A man who’s just dating is wasting time, while a man dating to build a relationship makes her a priority. Your time and effort earn the woman you desire.
As minor as it sounds, your potential as a partner begins with your profile. Your first introductory message creates your first impression for her.
Creating it with intention so she feels an authentic connection to you inspires her to respond.
Here are 6 essential do’s and don’ts to writing a dating profile that will attract your dream woman.
1. Your pictures tell a story.
So, what do you want her to know and accept about you? Represent the multiple facets of your hobbies and personality in pictures.
For example, athletes should have an action shot that shows their love of the game. Artists, describe your creations and what it represents to you. Geeks, show yourself at the Renaissance Festival or a DnD convention.
Sports fanatics, attend your favorite team’s game with friends or family. Parents, show yourself living life attending kid events.
Adventurers, describe and show off favorite spots around the world you visited. Loners, describe your favorite solitude spots without saying a word with peaceful photos of you enjoying nature.
Don’t put up bathroom selfies — or any unflattering selfies at all — or pictures that include beds or messy backgrounds. All this demonstrates is that you’re lazy and messy. Unless she’s also lazy and messy, she will eliminate you.
2. Be masculine.
Initiate a tasteful first message introduction or remark regarding something you read in her profile. Ask for her phone number only after you’ve connected via chatting and have given yours first.
Call when you say you will call or apologize and reschedule. Understand that if she’s responding to you, it means she hasn’t eliminated you… yet.
Let her set the pace. If she says, “I don’t know,” “Maybe,” or “Perhaps,” slow down as you’re probably moving too fast or putting your desires before hers.
Expect manners and responses to texts and calls within a reasonable amount of time.
Don’t be passive or aggressive (or passive-aggressive). Only give compliments on pictures. Wait for her to respond to your wink before sending a message.
Let her take the lead or lead without inquiring about her preferences.
3. Describe what you do and why you enjoy it.
Explain what you love about your job or hobbies. It’s exciting to hear a man share his passion! Share dreams, plans, and goals — and find out what hers are. Curiosity is sexy.
Don’t complain about your job or career, especially if you’ve not decided to leave it. Quiet despair — even for security — is a turn-off.
If you hate your job, describe your hobbies, passions, or how you’ve started taking steps into making your dream job a goal.
4. Reading and responding to her profile increases the likelihood she will read yours.
Be witty and curious. Ask her questions and start a friendship. But, accept that “no” means “no.” Understand that non-responses mean “no.”
Know hesitation and “I don’t know” means “Please go slower.”
Don’t mention sex or ask for sex. Only compliment her looks.
5. Quality responses are more important than quantity or timely responses online.
Text sparingly. Find out a good time to call, and call in the time window she prefers.
Don’t impose yourself into her life. Don’t assume you’re entitled to her time, texts, or attention.
Exclusivity is a valuable gift a man earns through consistent, caring behaviors over time.
6. Begin and end communications with manners.
If it’s not working out, verbally tell, text, or write to her, “I think you’re a sweet girl, just not the one for me. I wish you the best.” This is especially important if you’re unsure on how to gracefully end communications with her.
Don’t ghost her, blame her for your lack of feelings, or have sex with her if you already know you’re not going to ask her out again.
Dating profiles greatly differ from men who are dating for fun versus desiring to build a relationship.
Conversations become less guarded and more authentic.
Relationship-oriented men become more detailed, transparent, and direct. They begin to enjoy blossoming friendships as they know their best romantic match is also their future best friend.
Express yourself as the woman you want needs to recognize your spirit if you decide to show up in her email.
Laila A. Daniel, MA is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor and Board Certified Tele-Mental Health Counselor in Fayetteville, NC. Visit Rising Phoenix, PLLC if you’re interested in Telehealth Counseling.