Society paints this image that motherhood is effortless and always rewarding. News flash: that isn’t always the case, as funny Mother’s Day quotes undoubtedly prove.
Mothers as a whole experience a lot of the same things, but everyone’s journey to motherhood and parenting is different. One thing is for sure: motherhood is full of hilarious moments that make you literally laugh out loud.
You just have to catch on to the jokes in the midst of all the chaos.
You’ll see the humor in motherhood once you stop trying to be the perfect mom. Because the concept of a perfect mom is unattainable. Motherhood is one of those things where you learn through experience. All you can hope for is that you’re being the best mom you can. Just have to laugh at those less than perfect moments.
This Mother’s Day, when writing a card to your mom, write a nice poem about how difficult you were as a child, how she raised you, or if you want a funny Mother’s Day card, pencil in one of the many hilarious quotes below.
Whatever you do, give a message of love and gratitude! This is the day moms everywhere get to sit back and be appreciated for all their hard work.
Make mom laugh so hard her stomach hurts, or tear up with love with these funny Mother’s Day quotes.
1. “If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?” ― Milton Berle
2. “Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I’m looking forward to investigating in the future.” ― Amy Poehler
3. “Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep.” ― Shonda Rhimes
4. “A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.” — Tenneva Jordan
5. “The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” ― Calvin Trillin
6. “When the milk first comes in, it’s like a tsunami.” ― Emily Blunt
7. “My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That’s how she learned how to swim. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.’” ― Paula Poundstone
8. “Sometimes I stand there going, ‘I’m not doing any of this right!’ And then I get this big man belch of her and I go, ‘Ah, we accomplished this together.’” ― Christina Applegate
9. “The majority of my diet is made up of foods that my kid didn’t finish.” ― Carrie Underwood
10. “Motherhood is tough. If you just want a wonderful little creature to love, you can get a puppy.” — Barbara Walters
11. “I asked Mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.” ― Calvin, “Calvin and Hobbes”
12. “When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.” ― Nora Ephron
13. “As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.” ― Oscar Wilde
14. “Raising a kid is part joy and part Guerilla warfare. “ ― Ed Asner
15. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” ― Phyllis Diller
16. “Ah, babies. They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.” ― Tina Fey
17. “[Having four kids is] endless stuff. It’s endless entertainment, it’s endless stress, endless responsibility. Everyone’s at different ages and levels, everyone’s into different stuff. But everyone is into slime.” ― Maya Rudolph
18. “I love to play hide and seek with my kid, but some days my goal is to find a hiding place where he can’t find me until after high school.”
19. “No one told me I would be coming home in diapers, too.” ― Chrissy Teigen
20. “I used to have functioning brain cells, but I traded them in for children. “
21. “My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” ― Buddy Hackett
22. “I slept in until 7:30 am this morning. The sink is clogged, the dog has a purple stripe down his back, and the chocolate cake is gone. So worth it.”
23. “I’ve conquered a lot of things… blood clots in my lungs — twice… knee and foot surgeries… winning Grand Slams being down match point… to name just a few, but I found out by far the hardest is figuring out a stroller!” ― Serena Williams
24. “The fastest land animal is a toddler with something in his mouth.”
25. “Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.” ― Michelle Pfeiffer
26. “Million-dollar beauty product: face cream called ‘Before Kids.’”
27. “You know how once you have kids you never ever pee by yourself again? At least one of them is always in there with you at all times.” ― Jennifer Garner
28. “Bedtime is the leading cause of dehydration in children.”
29. “Stop saying ‘we’re pregnant.’ You’re not pregnant. Do you have to squeeze a watermelon-sized person out of your lady hole? No.” ― Mila Kunis
30. “If I wasn’t at work, I just wanted to stay home and party with my little man — and by ‘party’ I mean, of course, endless rounds of ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider.’” ― Olivia Wilde
31. “Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious.”
32. “Children are like crazy, drunken small people in your house.” ― Julie Bowen
33. “A mother is the person you can always call to see how long chicken lasts in the fridge.”
34. “It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” ― Betty White
35. “Having kids is just like college. You’re up all night, there is lots of puking, and you’re perpetually broke.”
36. “Becoming a mom to me means you have accepted that, for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.” ― Nia Vardalos
37. “Mom: Eat your vegetables. There are starving kids in Africa who have nothing to eat. Kid: Can we mail them my broccoli?”
38. “‘I don’t think so mommy!’ is what my child said after, ‘Can you please pick up the popcorn you threw all over?'” ― Anna Faris
39. “I always say if you aren’t yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.” ― Reese Witherspoon
40. “Dear mom, thank you for keeping all the bad stuff I did from dad.”
41. “You never realize how weird you are until you have a kid that acts just like you.”
42. “If you don’t know about ‘Baby Shark’ or ‘Let it Go,’ you need to turn in your parent card.”
43. “Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.” ― Sam Levenson
44. “I’ve been married 14 years and I have three kids. Obviously I breed well in captivity.” ― Roseanne Barr
45. “I can’t believe how much like my mother I turned out. I feel sorry for my kids.” ― Melanie White
46. “Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.”
47. “My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.” ― Tim Allen
48. “I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.” ― Rita Rudner
49. “How do I explain [my mom]? She is as respected as Mother Theresa, as powerful as Stalin, and as beautiful as Margaret Thatcher.” ― Leslie Knope, “Parks and Recreation”
50. “When your mom’s voice is so loud, even your neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed.”
Tamara Sanon is a writer with a passion for covering topics about health and wellness, lifestyle, astrology, and relationships.