For many women (yours truly included) your life plan includes eventually getting pregnant and rearing some kids who will surely give you ulcers and gray hair (in addition to all that unconditional love and joy and stuff).
However, while we all know how to get pregnant, sometimes it isn’t as easy as simply going off your birth control and having lots of sex with your significant other.
While it can take some couples longer to get pregnant than others, there are proactive steps you and your partner can take to figure out how to get pregnant faster.
Sure, you can work on getting yourself healthy and thinking about your own fertility, but what about him?
You’re going to be carrying this baby for 9 months, the least your dude can do is be as fertile as possible while you are trying to conceive.
5 Things Your Man Needs To Do Now If You Want To Get Pregnant
1. Make sure he’s masturbating.
Make sure he’s doing it — a lot!
There’s this idea dudes have that if they quit masturbating it’s going to “save up” sperm to help get you knocked up faster.
It doesn’t work that way.
Production of sperm is based on demand!
So, if his body is USED to masturbating morning noon, and night, he should keep doing that.
If he cuts down that’s when you could have a problem.
If he keeps jerking it, his body will understand to keep producing the same volume of sperm.
2. Watch his diet.
You know how you have to take prenatal vitamins and do exercises and avoid foods, and he seems to just have to do nothing?
It’s a myth!
You both get to suffer, which you know, is good practice for being a parent! I’m kidding. Kind of.
Doctors have found that vitamins E, C, and Zinc help with sperm production.
He might not need to take special vitamins, but he should be eating a balanced diet full of leafy greens.
3. Cut back on the booze.
He really should cut the booze if he wants you to carry his child.
He doesn’t have to become a monk, but cutting back to one or two drinks a day works wonders.
Because when he drinks his liver has to break down the alcohol instead of doing its other job: breaking down sex steroids.
More booze to break down means more estrogen in his system which could make him less fertile.
Plus too much booze is a boner killer anyway.
4. Skip the bike rides.
If he spends a lot of time on a bike, tell him to cut back.
I mean really, who does he think he is anyway, Lance Armstrong or something?
Riding a bike for several hours a week puts tremendous pressure on the root of the penis.
Putting pressure on the root of the penis?
That cuts off blood flow to the penis which can inhibit sperm production.
Why u want to kill u spermies, bicycle mens?
Go for a walk and stop burning down every tree in your forest, dudes.
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5. Watch the meds.
Some dudes think it’s a great idea to stop taking their anxiety drugs or antidepressants when the time comes to get you pregnant.
It’s normal for women, in consultation with their doctors, to stop taking these drugs, but it’s not necessary for men.
There have been no adverse effects found on sperm production by taking your brain meds.
Do you know what does have an adverse effect on fertility?
Being stressed out or depressed as all hell.
Drugs, hugs, and love for thugs. I’m not sure what that means, but I stand by it.
While there are many tips and tricks for getting pregnant that you will find online, especially regarding male fertility, there’s really only one thing to remember: Take care of yourself. Cut back on your vices, eat well, and treat the penis with respect.
Now go out there and get pregnant, you crazy kids!
Rebecca Jane Stokes is a humor and lifestyle writer for Yourtango.com.