With such a wide variety of men around the world, we cannot chalk being clueless when it comes to women up to a specific religion, race, culture, or background. ALL kinds of men everywhere struggle to understand, communicate, and appropriately interact with women.
Could it be because nobody is actually teaching them how to?
Here are five basic facts that men desperately need to understand about women — but don’t.
1. Men and women are neurologically different.
“Big whoop, captain obvious!” Hear me out.
We learn as kids that boys and girls have different parts and all of that vanilla sex education, but what about the fundamental structural differences in the male and female brains?
I don’t remember learning that women have a ‘communication center’ that is 2.5 times physically larger than a man’s, giving them a higher ability to express emotions.
I don’t remember learning that little girls scan faces for micro-expressions in order to read emotions, but little boys don’t.
I don’t remember learning about the biological pathway that women walk over the course of their lives and the physical and emotional changes that happen along the way.
Perhaps, if we did learn more than just biology in sophomore year in high school — perhaps a social biology course that would actually help us understand and interact with each other, we would have a more harmonious society and a deeper mutual understanding.
2. You don’t need to be wealthy to find a good woman.
Sure, women value stability and security (as everyone should), which are often results of relative financial comfort — but women who are looking for real love are NOT often the same women looking to be ‘sponsored’ by their own personal trust fund and allowance.
Our society is painting a picture through social media that the happiest couples are the ones with the houses and cars and vacations are the ones who never seem to work.
The REALITY is that the woman who is going to be your true teammate in life is looking for just that in return. She will value the depth of your character far more than the depth of your wallet.
3. Women are human beings just like you.
That’s right, I said it.
People have been accusing me of the past five years of putting women on a pedestal and making it sound like they can do no wrong — which couldn’t be further from my actual thoughts.
Nobody is perfect. I have had my heart broken more than I care to admit. I’ve felt betrayed. I’ve been hurt and lied to and deceived.
So has just about every other man I have ever known.
But, men grow up being conditioned that we need to pursue women and cater to their every move. This creates generation-wide waves of men who see women as a goal to be achieved, a prize to be won, an ideal being who needs to approve of us in order for us to ‘be a man.’
We are all human beings, no matter how much money, status, or beauty we possess. Men will be able to communicate better with women when they understand that she is just a person with wants, needs, desires, fears, loves, and insecurities – just like he is.
4. She still wants you to be the man.
In the age of equality, many men assume that women no longer want chivalry or romance. That they no longer want to be taken to dinner or have doors opened for them.
Just because a woman may be in charge from 9-5 on Monday through Friday, doesn’t mean she wants the same responsibilities in a relationship.
At the end of the day, many women still appreciate a man who is the man and will make plans for them on date night. A man who still romances her. A man who is chivalrous and respectful. A man who understands that a woman can be independent and should still be treated like a lady.
5. Nothing you do ever entitles you to her body.
It doesn’t matter if you spent $300 on dinner. It doesn’t matter if you’ve always been nice and kind to her. It doesn’t even matter if you’re married.
Being an autonomous, living, breathing human being means a person has 100% control over their own decisions affecting their own bodies at all times.
The “prize to be won” mentality perpetuates this myth of being able to do whatever you want once you’ve put in the work, forgetting that there is a real human being at the other end of the equation.
James Michael Sama is an award-winning Boston-based blogger on the topics of dating and relationships, having amassed over 30 million readers in just a year and a half. He writes and speaks on the topics of chivalry, romance, and happiness throughout the country and has been featured repeatedly in news segments, talk shows, and mainstream radio.
This article was originally published at James Michael Sama. Reprinted with permission from the author.