Emotionally intelligent men are rare these days, primarily because men seem to be raised to be emotionally stunted messes.
If you have the luck of being with an emotionally intelligent man, you can rest assured that your relationship will be a lot healthier than many out there.
Here are 13 signs you’re with an emotionally intelligent man, so cherish him.
1. He doesn’t act like you owe him for him being nice to you.
The reason why emotionally intelligent men are nice is because — surprise! — they are genuinely nice people! Holy cow, right?
It’s possible. If he’s nice and polite and doesn’t act like you owe him sex, chances are that he’s emotionally intelligent.
2. There’s no abuse in the relationship.
This is one of the most obvious signs he’s emotionally intelligent.
Men who abuse aren’t emotionally intelligent, nor are they healthy. They abuse because they’re lacking something.
3. When he’s worried or upset, he’ll actually discuss his feelings with you.
He’ll tell you when he feels conflicted, when he’s concerned about changes in the relationship, and when he’s worried about X, Y, and Z. Why? Because he can parse out his feelings in a healthy and intelligent manner.
4. He’s assertive, not a doormat nor an overbearing oaf.
Assertive behavior is a clear indicator that you’re dealing with an adult. Assertive means he’s polite, tells you his needs, and establishes healthy boundaries.
If he does this and doesn’t act like he’s “king of the castle,” then chances are he’s one of the rare gems out there who’s worth dating.
5. He doesn’t label himself as ‘a nice guy.’
Truly emotionally healthy, socially intelligent men do not have Nice Guy Syndrome.
You will not see a single iota of classic “nice guy” behavior from a man who’s emotionally well because he realizes women aren’t vending machines that accept kindness tokens.
6. You actually can talk to him about issues and work things out verbally.
Emotionally stunted men are incapable of talking things out. They’ll run away, deflect, or stonewall things.
With men who are emotionally intelligent, talking will be the way you can overcome almost any hardship. It’s incredibly refreshing once you’ve experienced it.
7. He’s got a healthy, happy social life outside of you.
Emotionally intelligent men are charmers who have many friends and healthy outlets for them to explore.
It takes a lot of emotional intelligence to maintain lots of different kinds of relationships, so if he has plenty of friends from all walks of life, it’s a good sign.
8. You know that, if you were to choose to leave, he’d let you without reprisal.
Only bitter, angry, emotionally idiotic men cannot handle breakups without exacting revenge or trying to force you to stay with them.
Emotionally intelligent men realize that a relationship can only work with two willing partners and therefore will let you leave.
9. He doesn’t use emotional blackmail.
If a guy needs to resort to emotional blackmail to get his way, he’s not emotionally intelligent.
Similarly, emotionally intelligent men are not the type to actually have to use manipulative tactics to get what they want in a relationship, either.
10. His relationship with his parents is normal.
I swear, it seems like there’s some sort of epidemic in this society where men have abnormal, codependent, and borderline incestuous ties to their parents. Sadly, this is often a sign of an emotionally underdeveloped or otherwise screwed up man.
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An emotionally intelligent man understands healthy boundaries, and if he can’t establish healthy boundaries with his parents, he will opt for no contact as a better way to keep his emotional wellness in his adult life.
11. He acknowledges when he’s wrong and recognizes when bad experiences may have turned someone bitter.
Emotionally intelligent people are capable of admitting their faults and are also equally capable of picking up when someone else may have a reason to act the way they do. As a result, they are more empathetic than those who lack those skills.
12. He accepts boundaries and enforces his as well.
He understands the power of boundaries because emotionally intelligent people accept that they are part of a healthy relationship. So, he won’t judge you when you ask for space.
13. He’s a great judge of character.
It takes emotional intelligence to pick out good people, and if he picked you out, you’re probably pretty good, too.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others. Follow her on Twitter for more.