I used to be a relationship person. At least, I thought I was. I’m not anymore. Perhaps it’s dating-related trauma or just a learned hatred of falling in love, but I just can’t do commitment anymore.
Looking back, a large portion of my exes probably weren’t relationship people. In fact, of the ones that I talk to, every single one is still single with a trail of failed relationships, broken engagements, and false starts.
Yet, some of them still try to be in relationships, despite the fact that they really don’t seem to be into commitment, marriage, or anything that the lifestyle involves.
Most of them are unhappy being single, and even more miserable when coupled. Much of this is because they are chasing relationships “because they’re supposed to,” without actually being capable of being a relationship partner.
If they were to get single and stay single, many of them would end up being a lot happier. Simply put, they aren’t “relationship people.” If they would have been honest with themselves, a lot of tears would have been spared.
Maybe I would still believe in finding “the one.” I’m just saying, it may have been a better world. It’s okay to be not a relationship person, but it’s not okay to lead people on.
Not sure where you stand?
Here are some signs that you might not be a relationship person — at least, for now.
1. Relationships aren’t a priority for you, even if you have the option.
Do your former partners tell you that you really don’t ever seem to prioritize them? If this is a regular comment from a string of exes, they may be onto something.
Relationship people tend to prioritize their partners. If you never could really feel the need to prioritize your spouse, you might be a solo flyer.
2. You have a set routine or lifestyle, and you don’t want to stray from it.
Routine and lifestyle is important, but it’s one of the first things to change in the event of a relationship.
You will need to compromise in order to make a relationship work. If you can’t compromise on routine and lifestyle issues, then you are probably not a relationship person.
3. Commitment scares you.
Does the idea of being with chained down with one person just scare you? Do you always think there’s someone better around the corner?
If so, do us all a favor and just tell dates that you have a set timer on how long it’ll last.
4. You are hostile or exceptionally suspicious of the gender that you want to date, or you just plain can’t respect them.
Are you a believer that all men are pigs or that all women are incapable of love? Well, if so, I understand how enough bad memories can make you believe this. I’m in the same boat.
Unfortunately, you are no longer dating material nor are you a relationship person anymore if bitterness consumes you. Welcome to the club. But hey, if you work on overcoming your prejudices, you can become a relationship person again if you want to.
5. If you were to be honest with yourself, you wouldn’t really want to put in much effort into a relationship — but would expect a lot.
Are you looking for a partner or are you looking for a person who will cook for you, clean for you, pay a large chunk of bills, and also provide sex for you? If it’s the latter, then what you want isn’t actually realistic or feasible.
Think about it: in that kind of relationship, your partner is giving 90 percent, but you are giving a max of 20. At that point, you may be better off just hiring help and sticking to flings. It’ll be easier on you.
6. You don’t see the point of relationships.
Why would you enter a relationship if you don’t see the point in it? If you don’t “get” relationships, then chances are you’re not a relationship person.
7. Every relationship you’ve ever been in was one that you legit had to be guilted, badgered, or otherwise forced into.
If this is the pattern you’re seeing, then there’s no way that you are a relationship person. Chances are high that the only reason you have had a relationship was that you felt it was “what you were supposed to do.”
8. If given the option, you’d rather play video games (or insert activity) with friends than go on a date with an attractive person.
I generally use this as a measuring stick of where a person’s mind is at. If you generally would choose the video game, then chances are that relationships aren’t high enough on your totem pole to have you be a “relationship person.”
It’s also a good sign of dating burnout, which in turn tends to turn relationship people into committed singles.
9. People have remarked that you are your best version of yourself when single.
I personally have seen a lot of people who just don’t fare well in relationships, at all. They turn into different people in a bad way. If you’re one of these people, you might not be a relationship person.
10. People have told you that you’re abusive or that you have abusive or otherwise hurtful tendencies.
It’s better to acknowledge this and realize relationships are dangerous than to go into a relationship knowing you’ll likely abuse someone.
11. You don’t understand people.
Do you get angry and confused when people reject you or even take a compliment the wrong way? Have people told you that you lack social awareness or self-awareness?
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If so, you might not be a relationship person, simply because you just aren’t emotionally equipped enough to be a decent partner. It sucks, but it’s true.
12. You get bored of people very easily.
A lot of people I know who aren’t relationship people have this issue, big time. Though I can name good reasons why to not do this, the fact is that many men and women just don’t want to stick to anyone permanently or just “need variety” to keep themselves happy.
If this is true for you, relationships aren’t probably your shtick.
13. You’re burnt out and you know it.
This also is a big issue for me, and I know I’ve seen it in many people aside from me as well. There’s only so many bad experiences you can have in love before you question your sanity for putting yourself out there.
If this sounds like you, you might not be a relationship person.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others. Follow her on Twitter for more.