One of my biggest issues in dating is that I tend to have a weakness for guys who are very boyish in nature. There’s something about their immature, carefree outlook that I just melt for.
I love how they love to party. I love their ability to laugh at stupid humor and be funny drunks. But this is also a major problem for me when I date people of that gender.
The reason it’s a problem is simple: most guys with that boyish charm are also too immature to have a serious relationship.
Whether we like it or not, there is a certain level of maturity you need before you can have a serious partnership that goes the distance. Not everyone has it in them, and you could be dating someone who has that issue.
If you notice these things, you may need to drop the kidult and get someone who’s mature enough to handle you; otherwise, you’ll end up in an immature relationship:
1. Your partner is really self-centered.
Beware the guy who can only talk about himself and think about things that relate to him. This is usually a sign of narcissism or gross immaturity or both. After all, real adults get past the “me” phase of toddlerdom when they’re 3 or so. If he can’t see that there are other people in the world, he shouldn’t be in a relationship with anyone.
2. Your number of sexual partners matters to him…a lot.
If he can’t date a girl because she’s had too many partners, he’s got issues. This isn’t just an insecurity thing, either. Guys who can’t understand that women are sexual beings who may have had a past before him have serious double standards in their minds.
With maturity, these double standards tend to fall to the wayside. However, it’s not your role to convince him of this. Your role is to find a guy who likes you for your personality rather than your so-called “purity.”
3. He can’t discuss things that make him uncomfortable.
The biggest issue immature people tend to have in relationships is communication. Things like stonewalling, cold-shouldering, or lashing out in anger if you bring up something that’s bothering you are all indicative that he never learned how to talk things out in a civilized manner.
Unfortunately, this kind of behavior will kill even the strongest love you could have for him in time. (Trust me, I’ve been there.)
4. High school never ended for him.
We all know a person who never really matured beyond their high school years. These are the people who are still obsessed with increasing the number of partners he has, keeping himself looking cool, and being famous.
If they still act like they’re trying to show that they’re cooler than others, making mean digs at people they deem “nerds,” you can bet your bottom dollar that they will be a trainwreck within 10 years.
5. Your partner expects you to take care of them, 100 percent of the time.
No one goes into a relationship wanting to be a parent to their romantic partner. If they expect you to financially support them, cook for them, clean up after them, and sexually pleasure them too, you’re going to be in for a bad time. Immature relationships like this are just not healthy and often end with one partner deeply resenting the other.
6. He can’t take the blame for his mistakes.
This isn’t just an immaturity issue — this is a warning sign of a personality disorder. In a mature relationship, both partners can admit when they’re wrong. If he can’t do that, there’s no way he can actually improve anything when he does do something that puts the relationship in jeopardy.
7. When something bad happens, he bails.
Nothing says that a relationship is doomed like a partner who flees when things get really bad. If he leaves you after you get a cancer diagnosis or tell him you’re pregnant, you should never give him a second chance, no matter what the explanation is.
He’s already shown you how immaturely he handled a crisis. Even if he changed, it’s not a risk you want to take.
8. He pushes your buttons on purpose.
Guys who purposefully do things that make you angry often are doing so because they can’t actually confront their feelings about something you did maturely. Even if it’s something subtle, this is still technically abuse and is an indicator that the relationship isn’t worth pursuing on any level.
9. He has absolutely no interest in a job or school.
This is scarily common in both men and women these days. Unfortunately, you need to make money to stay alive and enjoy things like eating. If he can’t be arsed to get a job, you need to cut him loose. He will be unlikely to contribute much of anything in the long run.
10. He has no idea how to act in front of people.
Things like belching, talking insanely loudly, or being rude may seem cute to you, but when you two have to go on double dates, it’s going to be embarrassing. Even the most open-minded of people will wonder why you’re with him, and by the end of the night, you probably will be asking the same question too.
11. He’s constantly worried about what people think of him.
Oh, this may seem like a good thing at first, but it’s not. If other peoples’ opinions matter more than his own or your own, you’re looking at an immature relationship that will turn you into a slave to the whims of others.
12. He turns into a doormat around his mom.
Even if he is a CEO of a multimillion-dollar corporation, a man who is under the total control of his mother will not be a man who is mature enough to marry. Unless you want to deal with his mom as much as he does, you’ll keep searching for someone better.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer based out of Red Bank, New Jersey whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others. Follow her on Twitter for more.