According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a kept woman is, “a woman who is kept as a lover by someone.” The phrase is often associated with… well, being a mistress.
But it could just be that he thinks you’re a peach that he loves to polish and shine you off, showing off all of your sweetness.
You may think you’re independent and a take-charge woman, but the reality is you’re a kept woman who relies heavily on the care and upkeep of her man, plain and simple.
Here are the signs you’re a kept woman.
1. Chores are always optional.
You haven’t done a chore in, well, forever, because you’ve got people who do that for you.
There’s a housecleaner. A person for the laundry. A landscaper.
Everyone has a position to keep your place well-maintained besides you. You most likely don’t even know where the Windex is.
2. Gifts are never optional.
If your man misses a special anniversary or holiday without a big fanfare, everyone knows you’re pissed. There’s no option to receiving only the best presents. Your man knows this and likes to gift you.
3. Your pedestal is quite high off the ground.
You may feel empowered by the high pedestal your partner has you on, perhaps even like a queen, but the pedestal can collapse if you do or say the wrong thing.
A kept woman is a woman that behaves within certain parameters and lines in order to be properly “kept” by her man. It’s an illusion of power that truly is not in your hands, but in your partner’s.
4. You rant and nag his ear off.
When you’re not happy, you grab him metaphorically by the ear and rant. He may fight back, but usually, he will win the fight by offering you another way to be “kept” and coddled.
5. Your partner has incredibly high expectations of you.
At the same point while you’re requesting only the best champagne for each celebratory toast, your partner’s rigid expectations are high of you.
If you’re a kept woman, chances are your partner lands in one of two categories:
1. Controlling: He likes to give you the illusion that you’re in charge and pampered when really, he holds the dice.
2. Passive: He will let you walk all over him, and then let you run over him with your car (figuratively and literally).
6. You have a routine.
You may not be working, but you’ve got a routine and schedule to follow that you have nailed down to a “T,” like any other socialite.
7. You are babied.
Whether your partner is controlling or passive, he babies you because he doesn’t believe you are capable or because you have shown him that you need to be babied.
8. You use social media to brag.
You are the one woman out of all of your friends who constantly showcases her life on Instagram in full-brag mode, 24/7. Every single snapshot is of a present or huge moment that you had in your big, important life.
9. You fear being alone.
A huge part of you as a kept woman is afraid that you cannot do it on your own. The idea of being alone makes you so nervous, you would rather settle for comfort and a plush life than a big, overwhelming love.
10. You choose status over everything else.
Your partners are chosen by their status and how high they can bring you. Established and older? Yes, the kept woman loves this. Financially well-off and a prestigious job? Check and check!
It’s not about the person’s potential — it’s about what he has to offer today and now.
11. You’re entitled.
Maybe you’re not one bit afraid that you cannot go on your own. Maybe you’re entitled and believe that a kept woman lifestyle is owed to you.
You may feel that of course, you deserve to be spoiled because you believe you’re special. And see, everyone is indeed special, but you think you’re more special and better than everyone else.
12. You would rather die than be alone or independent.
The idea of taking care of yourself and/or taking care of yourself and a child, on your own? Absolutely mortifying. You would rather die.
Laura Lifshitz is a comedienne, writer, Columbia University graduate & ex- MTV personality. She is also a contributor for the Huffington Post Blog, PopSugar Moms, HuffPost Live. You can read her rantings on sex, marriage, divorce, parenthood, and life on her site, frommtvtomommy.com.